Posted by The Bludge on March 10, 2011
with hip-flare. (I hate dress pockets.)
WHY must Ryan talk to the stage manager using their first name?
WHY is it “Nancy, let’s do this” and “Erika, dim the lights” and “Frank, take off your pants”
That last one may not have happened on stage, but I can still see Ryan saying it.
In any case, it’s odd. Sure, Ryan and whatever-person are probably on a first-name basis, but I’ve never seen the people he talks about. For all I know, they could all be circus midgets.
Now I wish I knew them.
Anymonkey, tonight, the 13 contestants will sing a song by their personal idol.
My hubbers heard this and said “Let’s see, so there will be a JLo song, an Aerosmith song, and…why the hell is Randy there again?”
Helping coach the contestants before the show was chairman of Interscope whose name is either Douchenozzle McSpeckle or Jimmy.
Apparently he’s always worried it may rain inside because he always has a baseball cap on…
or perhaps the sun keeps getting in his eyes.
Inside the building.
Anyway, there were a bunch of famous producers coaching the peeps.
I dunno, if I was them, I’d prolly be at my mansion watching people that I pay roll around in my money.
I wouldn’t want to roll around in it, do you know where those things have been?! Me neither, because I don’t see very much of it.
Lauren’s idol is Shania Twain
Shania’s REAL name is Eilleen so she is A-OK in my book.
Lauren is going to sing “Any Man of Mine”, specifically because she did not want to sing a ballad. I’m guessing that’s what all of the other girls are doing.
LOLz she totally spit water out in front of the producer(s)
The background music totally sounds like karaoke crap.
She needs heals, The long top with dark pants and flats looks like poo.
This is NOT doing her any favors. Her clothes or this song.
I KNOW girl can sing, but this song is NOT challenging and not better OR different than the original
Her saving graces are
1) We all know she is young
2) She is personable and likeable
3) She’s pretty
Yay! Steven, JLo, AND Randy agreed with me and wanted Lauren to do more with the song.
She looked a bit crushed.
But, let’s remember what’s important: I was right.
Of course, when asked about her performance, she says she “HAD FUN.”
Casey is singing Joe Cocker’s “With a Little Help from My Friends”
He said Joe C isn’t hot and Casey is…similar…or something
I got nothin.
will be singing Dianna Ross’s “When You Tell me That You Love Me”
God I hope she kicks this song’s ass
Oohh, she’s wearing a satin dress. Those are hard to pull off.
I wouldn’t mind having a go at it, though.
See what I did there?
Her high notes didn’t quite cut it.
The preview before her actual performance was SO. WAY. BETTER.
Randy liked it, that was surprising.
NOT surprising, JLo and Steven liked it.
Paul is singing Ryan Adams “Come Pick Me Up”
THIS SONG IS BORING
Dood is a straight up weirdo.
He flailed around the stage like a marionette (worked by Michael J Fox) and yet he was singing this terribly slow song.
He is bizarre, but not in a cool, fun way…in a WTF kinda way.
Ok, maybe it’s a little fun, but, still, WTH is with his face?
She’s just so lovely, wait, what?
Wow. Those glasses.
Is she considered legally blind?
Anyway, DEAR BABY JEEBUS I hope she doesn’t pick a
OH MY GOD NOOoooooooooooooooo CELINE DION!!!
oK, I’m SCARED for her
I mean, she does have the pipes, but on stage and in front of all of these peoples
and it’s starting out so slowly…
So Pia’s hitting the big notes.
Wait, NO, she yelled.
It wasn’t good
Whatever, I can put it on mute and still look at those legs.
she’s still yelling/screaming
She sounded better in the previews too
I’m pretty sure that JLo is about to cry
Randy is saying that she hits these notes dead on….I beg to differ just a little bit, but WHATEVS
James Durbin is singing Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed”
Surprisingly, so far tonight his voice has sounded the best
Of course, he’s going to start screaming soon…
All of the judges are boppin’ around in their chairs.
He looks like Sloth from Goonies
Ok, ok, it’s not THAT bad…
That really was, the best singing so far the whole night.
Yes, better than Pia.
DEFINITELY not hotter.
But definitely the best singer so far
I can’t believe I just said that.
Haley will be singing Leann Rhimes “Blue”
Ok, she’s not one sentence into it and she’s singing it better than Leann Rhimes
By about 100 times
The key change, the vibrato, it was all
So, Steven Tyler said this: “It’s a Patsy Cline song that she never recorded off of her first album.”
Do what now?
Seriously, SteveTylerHandlers, check his purse because I think he may be snorting Ambien.
Last week Haley did Alicia Keys and this week she’s doing Leann Rhimes. I kinda like that she, like many of us YOUNG people (YESIAM!) likes a broad spectrum of music genre.
Randy called it boring, kinda sleepy.
I hope he gets a hangnail.
#8 Jacob Lusk
His idol is R Kelly
Nevermind, I’ll let it go
Seriously, his whole pre-performance interview his eyes were shut.
Jacob’s SHOCKINGLY going to be singing “I Believe I Can Fly” (fyi-that’s not shocking)
Dear God his voice is beautiful
But now he’s getting yelly and not in a good way
He seems like such a diva
Ok, he brought the scream/crying back to FUCKYEAH! territory
But, seriously, could someone PLEASE get Steven a writer? He sounds like he’s drunk
Thia Megia is going to sing Michael Jackson
This song is slooooooooooooow
Her voice is pretty, as is she.
Wait, what is going on? The tempo picked up and she is flat or sharp or something
And it is weird
They added a beat and it’s like…I dunno, weird. This is a slow, emotional song. Please do not do this again Idol band. *stern glare*
I liked the outside parts, the inside parts were…blech.
Randy also said he liked the beginning and not really the rest.
She is so meek.
I really wish she would’ve been cut so she could come back in at LEAST a year.
She’s got balls for going onstage in front of millions, but she still needs more confidence, stage presence, and trauma.
Not like, blunt-force trauma, but she needs some life experiences to give her a personality and depth; some real emotion.
Stefano is singing “Sing Lately” (FYI I don’t check what the actual names of any of these songs are because I’m lazy and also I have important things to do with my time, like puzzles with my 4 year old.)
He can SING. Trust.
I got a little scared cuz he really is belting out all of these notes, but he hit every one.
This song is maybe not going to get the young people voting because it is slow and they’ve never heard it.
Wait, they picked up the tempo
At first it was like, ok, now it’s giong to be upbeat
But he was still singing his long notes and stuff.
His voice was beautiful.
He is totally a man with a million faces, but he moved SOFAST I couldn’t take a million pictures like I did with Scotty McCreepy last week.
Karen Rodriguez’s idol is Selena so she will be singing “I Could Fall in Love”
And she must have REALLY pushed her voice because she is NOT doing well at all. In her preview clip they insinuated that she needed to rest her voice before her performance, so something must be up (they never did say anything was wrong).
She was not able to get meat behind her low notes.
Scotty McCrappy is going to ruin Garth Brooks’ “The River”
I love this song
I hate Scotty’s face
He constantly pulled the mic away from his face so you couldn’t hear him…which I was totally ok with.
I dunno why I don’t like him, America. I think it has something to do with his smug-face that he puts on while he’s performing.
#13 Naima has lost her mind and is going to do Rhianna’s “Umbrella”
She should be doing Eryka Badu
*sings* “Why don’t you call Tyroooone”
(*waves* Hi Dianna)
She is not able to really get her breath
YES, the mix-up was fun but the
Was that dancing where there should have been words?
The reggae beats were hot.
She dedicated that to her hubby…awwww
At least Steven said it…she was pitchy
They were talking about how she didn’t have time to dance, breathe, and sing and she said it was hard trying to find time for a breath.
She needs to try Dre & Eminem’s Forgot About Dre.
Of course they have Naima’s phone number a little different than the rest, because “They didn’t want anyone to have to use the UNLUCKY # 13″.
Which is funny, cuz guess what…last year? That phone number? 866-436-5713? Was a porn number.
Which they found out only after the first show.
It’s unlucky porn I guess?
So here’s your choices America
8 ) Jacob
Scotty No, America. Don’t.
I’m voting hardcore for:
Lauren, Pia, James, & Haley
Kinda Sorta voting for:
Stefano & Jacob
Barely voting for:
Casey & Ashthon
I’m not sure if they’re eliminating one or two people tonight.
Obviously, I hope that Scotty goes home.
Trying to guess who America bothered to vote for is HARD. Especially because a lot of people vote most for who they thought sucked! I am going to guess that…Thia is going home.
Here’s how I think the contestants did tonight-based on vocal ability AND performance:
1) James (I know!)
7) Pia (I know!)
8 ) Casey
12) Scotty McPoopyPants
If I had to pick my singing idol it would be…
ME of course, DUH