The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

The hell?

Posted by The Bludge on March 27, 2011

YAY! Motown!!
The contestants are doing Motown songs.
Wait, what does Motown mean again?


#1
Casey is doing Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard it Through the Grapevine”.
Of course he is.
It’s kind of a given that SOMEONE was going to do that song.
This should be a great song for him.

Wait, producer dood is in his hat and coat again. Is LA experiencing some sort of cold front?

So Casey, started out strained because you can tell he’s thinking too hard.

Now it’s getting good cuz he’s comfortable with the song because he’s probably sung it a lot.
He looks nice.

You know, except for when he’s making what he thinks is his ‘sexy’ face but is really his ‘I-will-kill-you-and-eat-your-hair’ face.

That was ok, the end was totally off-key, but whatever, people love him.


OMG, it looks like Steven Tyler has cleavage.


JLo looks nice though, per usually


#2
Thia is singing “Heatwave”

Oh look! She’s wearing a dress made out of cupcake wrappers!

Damn! She’s really knocking it out of the park – although it’s hard to hear her on the lower notes which is a surprising few.
Oh crap, she just forgot the words.
I don’t think this song used to have so many “Ooohs”
Randy thinks that “The public is resounding with her.”
Wait, none of the judges mentioned her forgetting her words!?
The hell?


#3
Jacob is singing “You’re All I Need to Get By.”

He just has such a huge voice.
omg his personality is SO FUN!
I mean, look at these faces!

He was perfect. Perfect pitch.
Got a standing O from the judges AND a hug from Steven Tyler.

Ok, now the front row is all giving him hugs LOL
The hell?


#4
Lwhoren’s turn (No, I don’t think she’s a whore, it’s just fun to make fun of people, duh)
She’s starting off with a really strong voice singing “You Keep Me Holdin On”
She does have a very entertaining and big beautiful voice that is in tune.
And she even threw in a little sass, which was nice.
It sounds EXACTLY like the original, but she has the fucking pipes to rock it hardcore.
And, she looks cool



#5
Stefano!!

Stefano is singing Lionel Richie’s “Hello”
and he’d never heard it before…the hell?
BAHHH YOUNGINS!!

I sure hope he keeps his eyes open and sings it to the audience.
Meh, I am not loving this, he’s overdoing it.
If he sang it with his sweet smooth vibrato he would be KILLING it.
I was explaining to Bart why he wasn’t good, how he wasn’t feeling the song, he was just putting on an act and not a GOOD one, just kind of doing the motions and then all 3 of the judges said the same thing.


#6
Haley

Haley’s doing Smokey Robinson & the Miracles “You Really Got A Hold On Me”

I want her to do well but I’m not loving this performance. She’s flat. And sharp. And too growly, and all over the fucking place.
At least she wasn’t sweet and then growly and then demure and then WTF? again this week.
The judges actually liked it a lot
HUH??
The hell?


#7
Scotty the Potty

My husband just pointed out who he reminds him of:

He’s going to do Michael Jackson song that Stevie Wonder also did, “For Once in My Life.”
And also, I hope that he is going to wear briefs the next time he’s on camera with sweatpants on.

I HATE HIS SMUGFACE!
Also, I hate this face:

Why is he always leaning over!?

He needs one of those bracelets.

Yeah whatever, he can sing in tune, but I HATEHISFACE
He looks ridiculous.
Always leaning and making retard faces and rapper gestures.

BAHHhhhh


#8
Pia!

Pia is doing another ballad, “All in Love is Fair” by Stevie Wonder.

You would think that Stevie was the only person recording at Motown…

Oooh! She just gave me goosebumps!
Her voice control is really great!
She probably has needed the past 10 years to get this good. Martina McBride wasn’t always fucking amazing. She just started out amazing and then got to fucking.
lolz

That was fucking PERFECT
It makes me want to cry, but that could also be because I’m a bit of an emotional wreck right now.
The ONLY thing the judges criticized her on is that they wanted her to next time NOT do a ballad.

Ryan had to make sure everyone saw the back of her dress, not because he thinks that it’s sexy but prolly cuz he’s dating the designer LOLz


#9
Paul is doing Smokey’s “Tracks of My Tears”

Well.
This is weird.
Does he not know that this song is about CRYING!?!!??
It’s like…uptempo.
The hell?
At least he’s playing guitar so he can’t hold the mic and flop all over the stage.
MEH


Wait, is Steven on the phone?

Or is he just staring at some 17 year old?


#10
Naima is going to do “Dancing in the Street.”

She’s going to throw some dancing in with her singing as well.

Oh honey, NO

Those aren’t bellbottoms, those are homeless shelters

Honey it DOES matter what you wear. (See what I did there? A line of the song is “It doesn’t matter what you w…” oh forget it.

She probably has the weakest voice of all of the contestants but she does have a good personality.

For Steven’s review he said “E to the Z to the twiddly dee” and then promptly licked Jennifer’s hair, fell backwards out of his chair, jumped up and went “TA DAAA!”

No, not really, but he did say that first part.

The hell?


#11
James Durbin is doing “Livin for the City”

He’s actually dancing and singing too!
He SLAMMED his high note too
He is reminding me of Mark Slaughter…except for the triple-high notes
Yep, he killed it again.
Nailed it.

How do I think THIS face isn’t stuck up or smug?

lol

Randy’s getting his ass boo’d HARDcore because he said James started off rough but I didn’t see that.


I am SHOCKED that so many people did well tonight.

I can’t really say based on performances who I think would go home cuz I’ve already watched the results show, but I will anyway: bottom 3: Haley, Naima, and Stefano.


LOLz so now I’m watching the results show and it is fucking hilarious and awesome.
First there was Stevie Wonder, who started a rendition of Happy Birthday for Steven Tyler, who just turned 98 or something. Then Hulk Hogan comes out on stage and badly-fake-punches Ryan while the boy contestants freak out..

Honestly I fast forwarded through almost all of the results show.
ESPECIALLY the part where Sugarland was performing because the singer was wearing Barbie barf.
From the early 90s. NO I didn’t take a picture, who wants to remember that?

So Thia and Stefano are in the bottom 3 :(

Ew, Haley has a side-pony
Hrrm, and Naima is safe

And CASEY is in the bottom 3.
The hell (I honestly don’t care but it’s kind of the theme here)

Thia is safe…

and Stefano is safe! (the hell?)

CASEY had the least amount of votes!
The hell?

The hubby is shocked, as, it appears, is the crowd, but WHATEVER.
He started singing his song and the judges stopped him and they told him that he was saved, he didn’t even have to sing.

The look on his face is terrifying, only because I know he’s been sick and he was mouthing “I can’t breathe.”

He was like “Are you serious? Why are you DOING this to me?” lol (meaning they scared him).
Then, he ran into the audience to hug his mom.
It was SO cute.

Ryan brought it back down by saying “Well, this means that TWO people have to go home next week.”

“BUT…there won’t be a Top 10 tour, all ELEVEN of the contestants will be doing the tour.”
I’m pretty sure Casey is going to need a defibrillator.

2 Responses to “The hell?”

  1. Hen said

    You’re hilarious, and I <3 you!

  2. Amanda said

    I literally COULD NOT stop laughing when you said Scotty needed one of those bracelets!

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