The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

F U in the I

Posted by The Bludge on April 8, 2011


Do not adjust your screens ladies and gentlemen, your contact lenses and glasses are fine

This is not total eye fuckery, this is alive(?) Steven Tyler and his waxy likeness from the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, because this week, the contestants are singing songs by people/bands that were inducted into the Hall of Fame.


Will.i.am was there to help jacket/hat guy. He seemed very pleased.


#1
Jacob is doing Man in the Mirror

He was going to do “Let’s Get it On” but I’m kinda glad that he didn’t. He is too over-the-top-queeny to pull off sexy MANLINESS.

There’s a lady on the stage singing too and OMG WHY are they thrusting their crotches at each other?

AWKWARD

That was actually pretty boring, I didn’t love it.
I mean, I love HIM but…it wasn’t GREAT.

I’m sure it was much better in person.


I think my kid made Randy’s jacket out of Duck tape

Yes, DUCK tape, because we don’t use the bo bo brand duct tape.


#2
Haley is singing Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart”

Oh, her voice IS perfect for this song!

!!

She isn’t growling TOO too much.

Aaaand now they did two weird-ass breaks in the song that totally fucked it all up. It was just a removal of guitar and stuff and mostly a bass beat and WHAT THE FUCK?
THIS IS JANIS JOPLIN, not Rhianna.

Also, her last run was too random but I really did love the rest of the song.

#3
Casey was going to sing “Every Little Thing She Does” but instead did “Have you Ever Seen the Rain” by CCR
And he’s playing the ginormous bass.
What’s with the guy playing the eukelele?

And, he’s making I’m-gonna-eat-your-face faces again.

This song is monumentally lame.

At least he isn’t making scary faces the entire time…he also made silly faces.

Steven Tyler thinks Casey should turn his bass into a car.
WTF?

Now he’s talking about Casey’s package.

NEXT!


#4
Lauren is gonna sing Aretha’s “Natural Woman”

What the hell is she wearing?

It’s totally giving her a polterwang.
Oh right, the girls are wearing Gwen Stefani’s crap.

And her hair…

All she needs is a nose-ring connected to an earring.

Are her feet glued to that spot on the stage?
MEH


#5
James is going to slow it down with “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.”
I think this will be good, so long as he’s not too twitchy.

Ok, back lighting and big ears do NOT mix, producers.

Well, he just started his scream/yell and apparently that was the end of the song.

That was weird.

It was just like…..oh…it’s…over.

And he’s all crying. Awwww

Steven just said “Not only did your guitar gently weep, so did you.”
UGH.


#6
Scotty is gonna slaughter Elvis’s “That’s All Right Mama.”

I HATE the way he holds the mic.

IT’S NOT A FLUTE

Today, since Casey will be eating your face, Scotty will be eating your hair…

And suddenly there are girls that RAN up on stage and mobbed him and then they were gone.

What?
Oh, I see what they did there, cuz he sang an Elvis song. UGH, producers. UGH.

Steven said to him “I thought you were all hat and no cattle.”

Seriously…I am SO glad Paula’s back this year!!

#7
Pia is singing Tina Turner’s “River Deep Mountain High”

Oh my damn.
She’s wearing a floppy cow suit.

Look at that GIANT CROTCH!!

The only thing it’s missing is udders.
Wait, is that one there?

omg her butt-crack starts at the bottom of her hair. Perhaps all of that rope was cutting off the oxygen to her brains.

Oh, and also, she sang.


#8
Stefano is singing “When a Man loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge

He is throwing himself into the singing and it’s MUCH better than before, because he isn’t just smiling the whole friggen time.
He hits all of his notes every week


#9
So, PAUL is singing Johnny Cash’s “Folsum Prison Blues”

What the deuce?

It’s just…noisy.

Ok, it’s a little better than usual.

At least he wasn’t totally singing like his pants were full of helium.
But, this is not the face of a convict:

My living room consensus is that Paul did well.


So, my favorite performance was Haley.

I know, it wasn’t Pia!

Here we go, ranking on best overall performance (singing/performing):
1) Haley
2) Stefano
3) Paul
4) James
5) Pia
6) Jacob
7) Lauren
8 ) Casey
9) Scotty

I’m guessing the bottom 3 are Casey, Lauren, and Pia


OK, now to the results show!


OMG Jennifer.

No.

Randy and Sally Jesse Raphael aren’t looking too much better either, but really…Jennifer!?
NO.

Also, Steven’s pants are so tight I can see how many sperm he doesn’t have left.


So first up: Casey, Stefano, and Lauren’s GIANT OUTFIT

Casey and Lauren are safe, Stefano is in the bottom 3

:(

Guest appearance time!
WHY is Constantine Mouralis singing this song?
He’s singing “Lean On Me” or some similar song and WHAT THE HELL. If he was promoting an album, why wouldn’t it be an original song?

We had to fast forward because he looked like someone that we all had bad memories of, yech.
The only watchable part of that was when they showed a picture of his new baby girl,

which spawned this discussion in my living room:
“Hey, what’s that baby doing lying on a plate of grits?”
“That’s not grits, it’s CLEARLY cream cheese on a Triscuit”
“…laying on a bed of hair”


Anyway, Pia, Paul, and Scotty are up next

Damn, Pia’s FINE.

Scotty is safe. Paul is safe. And PIA is not safe.

Ok, this is something I do not want to be right about y’all!

Now James, Jacob, and Haley are up.

GAH. Is it Jacob? Cuz he was boring.

Ok, James is safe.

GAH GAH GAH

And Haley is safe!
PHEW!

Bottom 3 are Jacob, Pia, and Stefano

Are we kicking Stefano off for wearing those suspenders?

Dang, time for a commercial break…and now a guest appearance by…
OMG IGGY POP IS NOT NOT NOT OK IN HD
BAD Fox, BAD!!

Fuck America in the EYE

Pia was voted off of the show.

Well, I think we all know that if she doesn’t get a recording contract she can do either one of two things, modeling or stripping.


Personally, I hope she chooses the latter.

6 Responses to “F U in the I”

  1. Hen said

    wood duck! I was loling and not just somf!

  2. Elaine said

    I was complaining to my friend Wayne about this and how hot she is and he said “yes pia is a smokeshow”

    which is an expression I had never heard but now want to use EVERY DAY

  3. Nanci said

    I’m still having nightmares about Iggy Pop. I’m positive that tonight, Sally Jessie Raphael will join him in torturing me while I slumber.

    Thanks.

  4. Amanda said

    OMGGGGG, Scotty can’t hold a damn microphone–he needs to go. NOW.

  5. Dianimall said

    I would much prefer to see pictures of Pia slathered on the side of a bus than Scotty McFluteplayer.

  6. Dianimall said

    BTW,it took me a LONG time to figure out which one was the wax figure.. both.

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