Posted by The Bludge on May 19, 2011
Beyonce is the kids’ mentor!
Oh, I used to have such a crush on Beyonce’s inner thighs.
OMG, who just wrote that!!?
The kids are starting with their favorite songs.
Scotty is starting off the lean..errr show by singing something by Lonestar, “Amazed”.
I LOVE Lonestar. Their bacon-wrapped steak is AWESOME.
And of COURSE he’s wearing a cross. That’s what southern boys do.
Especially when they want the Christian vote.
This is BORING. His voice is not being heard. I mean, you’d think I’d be ok with that, but the only good part of that song was the high note that he hit. At the end, and I’m not saying that this time to be mean, it’s just that he actually held a note, and it was actually pretty, but the rest of the song was a snoozefest.
Lauren is next with “Wild One” by Faith Hill. This was the first song I heard Faith sing and I just loved it. I’m more of a Martina fan, though.
This is too fast to appreciate her voice. Oh ugh, and she just hit a really ugly note. She’s kind of all over the damn place. The song was WAY too ADHD. It was a virtual toddler running between legos and food.
JLo actually said it was good, I can’t wait to hear Randy’s judgement because I think he likely agrees with me. Oh…nope.
Her head is ready for a luau, her mid-section just left the set of Star Trek-Vegas, and her feet just got back from a southern beauty pageant where she came in Poor.
Oh, boy! Haley is going to do Led Zeppelin!!!
In the preview video she mentioned wanting her Dad to play on stage with her and there’s a guy playing guitar on stage and if that is her Dad I am going to cry.
This is really cool, the song I mean.
Maybe only us old people will like it.
Oh dear, she just fell running back to the stage but she recovered well.
It helped that the cameras were panned waaaay out.
Hmm, it’s not quite enough singing.
OMG it IS her Dad!!
Ok, so now the contestants are going to sing songs picked by Jacket/Hat.
Scotty is going to annoy the crap out of people that can stand up straight and also don’t make rap gestures like Vanilla Ice, with “Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not” by Thompson Square (? Dunno, don’t care)
I don’t think I know this song. How is that possible? I thought I knew all songs.
And the fun he had singing it…that part was good.
Before, Lauren sings, I must warn you that my “friend” Steve is about to pay me a visit and (for those of you that don’t know who Steve is, you will get it in a sec) I am ridic emotional right now and everything is making me want to cry.
OH NO, and now…I’ll BRB, gotta go slit my wrists, Lauren was SIX YEARS OLD when she first started watching Idol.
Jacket/Hat is having her sing “If I Die Young” by some people named something-Perry.
It seems to happen about every 5th performance-that she gets the wardrobe right. Unfortunately it’s usually something so unbelievably unflattering she looks like a very pale Jolly Green Giant.
I think she just missed something, but whatevs, it doesn’t matter. The song is ok.
My phone is being a C-word that rhymes with RUNT and my trying to call to vote for Haley is being massively slowed.
Steven Tyler is a waste of chair…at least for this show. He does not have his proper level of medication needed to talk about matchsticks and duck fucking.
Jacket/Hat chose “Rhiannon” for Haley (I remember when my fave, Didi, last year sang it…what ever happened to her?)
OH FUCKING YAY!!! I can’t wait to hear this!!!
She mentioned hoping she remembered the words and I REALLY hope she doesn’t forget any.
EW. The woman singing harmony needs to GO. That woman is either off-key or just has a naturally irritating voice.
Honestly? It was nice, but I couldn’t hear her enough.
So now they’re playing Beyonce’s new music video (remember those!?!?) and it’s bizarre (of course?).
It’s like steppin’ mixed with poppin n lockin mixed with Barbarella and latex.
The judges have picked the last songs for the contestants and Scotty will be singing “She Believes in Me” by Kenny RogZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
She’s putting more vibrato into the high note than Lee Ann, that’s pretty impressive.
I could do with a little less attitude from Lauren, I mean, this song is pretty calm and reflective so sass isn’t really aprapos, but then she did put some guts into a couple parts of the song that really made it hers.
Oh, and Lee Ann Womack is totally MY good friend, too. (You had to watch to get that)
Haley is going to wrap up the show with, “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrissette
Erm, I dunno…
Too low. WAY too low.
Well, everything but the low notes parts are really great…soooooo…really just some of the chorus.
I don’t know whether she’s been pushing her voice and she usually could hit the low notes but just couldn’t right now, but if not, then they really needed to have done something different there.
So that’s it!
I hope you people voted for Haley!!
Or at LEAST Lauren.
DEAR GOD PLEASE DO NOT LET SCOTTY WIN.
I dunno folks, I’d rather Scotty left, but I think it’s true that more females than males watch this show and they are more likely to vote for a guy because they’re catty hateful bitches and are jealous of the girls’ talent and young age so they are unknowingly resentful. Umm, I think. Or maybe I’m projecting a little.
So, I think the winner of this show, is………….
He finally looks cute.