The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Archive for October, 2009

The Bludge of Chris Pureka

Posted by The Bludge on October 24, 2009

So I had the opportunity to see Chris Pureka in concert this week! This is exciting not only because Chris is pretty awesome, but also I got to go out on a school night!
Without the kids!
Out of the house!
To see Chris!

The first time I saw Chris perform she was opening for Dar Williams at the Birchmere in Alexandria, Virginia – my old stomping grounds.
I hadn’t really ever heard of either of the ladies to be honest with you.
My BFF Jen asked if I’d like to go and trying to say “yes” more often, I said sure! For those of you unfamiliar with her work, I would call Dar Williams a folk artist, a singer songwriter guitar player. And Chris, well…


Chris started her set with “Compass Rose” and from the moment she started plucking her guitar I was damned impressed. She seemed to be producing more notes at one time out of that instrument than I thought possible.
The big empty stage didn’t seem to matter because my full attention was on her as she started singing in an unassuming, honest voice. I immediately turned to Jen and said “Holy Shit.” (Yes, I capitalized the “S” in shit when I said it). Jen, wide-eyed, replied “I know!”

I have no idea what the rest of the songs she played were, I’m sure she played ‘Swan Song’ which is about her Grandmother (who is 90-something and lives in Baltirmore FYI). Swan Song is a jaunty little tune, as Chris says “It’s the one song on my album that isn’t a break-up song”.
Actually she played another song that is up-beat and not about lost love called ‘Porch Songs’, about road trips and no responsibilities.
I’ve never reviewed a musical performance and this happened 2 years ago and I didn’t take notes or anything so I’m not going to get all verbose and use $20 vocabulary words.

Jen and I listened to the rest of her set and then commiserated about how blown away we were by Chris’s performance.

Though Dar played quite a few songs, some of them terribly fun, and she was quite humorous, telling us tales of growing up with hippie parents-which really showed in her music style, I have to say I was more enamored with Chris (in more ways than one but let’s not go there) (:-D).


After the show Jen and I each purchased a Chris Pureka CD
Jen bought her latest album, Dryland, and I bought the older one, Driving North.


We then stood in line and Jen had Dar sign probably ever CD she’s ever made and then we wandered over to Chris who was drinking a beer and talking to just a few people-you could see her shyness in the way that she stood. She looked much softer and more feminine up close than the almost-harshly lit entity that she had been on stage.
The nervousness was endearing and I’m not sure if it made her more human and more approachable or made ME nervous because I was afraid any conversation would be awkward.


I walked up boldly and said something to the effect of it taking some big balls to get up on stage and sing, then complimented her and probably said some stupid shit, then she signed our CDs and that was that! She had two new future hardcore fans!


Jen and I checked Chris’s website to find out when she was playing again in the vicinity of Washington DC and discovered that the closest she was going to be in the coming months, was in Philly. Jen and I exchanged “Hell yeahs!” and made plans for a girl-only trip to Philly! I was stoked because I’d never been to Philly, although I’d had some most-excellent cannolis from there.


Chris was opening for someone we’d not heard of before, Melissa Ferrick, so we checked her out on Myspace and after listening to her live recording I decided we would like her too.


Jen and I recruited my sister Diane to come along. The drive to Philly was hilarious, of course, we’ve known Jen since I was 5 (I won’t tell you how many years ago that was) (ok, it was 27 years ago) so we can all be quite silly and immature together, as evidenced by these pictures of us screwing around at the hotel before we left for the show:


Jen and I

My sis Diane

Jen sings while I accompany her on piano


I like to call this one HOLY SHIT, I QUIT THIS BITCH!

ANYway, we saw Chris and Melissa (we’re totally on a first-name basis now) at the World Cafe Live, a nice-sized venue, not that I know what I’m talking about or have any point of reference.


While not super impressed with Chris’s performance this night-for some reason the stage seemed to swallow her up-I fell in lust love with Melissa Ferrick, but this isn’t about Melissa. I think I was expecting to get that blown-away feeling again, hoping everyone there would feel it too but it didn’t happen.


Jen and I talked to Chris after the show:



and found out she’d be playing at the worst-named college in our area, the University of Maryland University College. It’s nearby the Vehicle Dealership of Cars Dealership.


Anyway, when Chris played at the University College of University College Universities, Jen and I might have came off as stalker groupies, and we also experienced one of the worst warm-up acts we’ve ever seen (all both of them). We still aren’t sure if one of the acts was trying to be funny or really only knew how to play kazoos.


Part of our awkward stalker-behavior was exhibited when, driving away from the building, we saw Chris in her car, talking on the phone, and rudely interrupted her and asked her favorite color. Yep, you read that right.
The thing is, it turned out to be ok because I made a hat and decided to send it to Chris



and at the next show of hers that we went to, I asked if she got the hat and she said it was super soft and she slept in it. Is that CUTE or WHAT? It was really friggen soft.


That show where we spoke of the hat was in Vienna (Virginia) at Jammin’ Java, a nice little venue for small shows, and that is where I saw her again just this week.
For the last two performances she’s been accompanied by singer/bass/violin/etc player Lyndell Montgomery which I think detracts at times from Chris’s performance, but also adds to it at times. It’s odd, sometimes Lyndell plays the violin like she only learned how to play just the songs she plays with Chris, and other times it’s like she’s played so long she’s come up with her own unique ways to play the instruments. This vacillation happens from one song to the next so it’s impossible to figure out.


As an aside, after attending Chris’s last show and Tweeting about it I came across a gal named Amy that also likes Chris that lives in my area and, though I knew she was coming to this show, I had only seen a smaller-than-inch-wide/tall picture of her face so I didn’t think we’d connect there but I actually recognized her and we said hello. Gotta love the internet!


So, I’d already purchased multiple copies of Chris’s CDs (giving some to my friends in order to recruit them) and purchased myself a T-shirt, so at this last concert I purchased shirts for my daughter and BFF Jen, as she was in Louisiana and not happy about not being able to see Chris again. While having Chris sign Jen’s shirt, I asked if she needed a new hat, while telling my pal Rachel that I had made Chris a hat. Chris’s face lit with recognition and said “That was you? I wear that hat to sleep in when I’m at my parents house.” Now, she’d told me that the last time I saw her but apparently I wasn’t naked enough to remember. It’s not that I’m saying I’d have to be naked for Chris to pay attention, but rest assured if I was naked, she would’ve remembered.


Well, Chris will probably remember me this time, and it’s not from anything I did (no, I didn’t get naked!). My daughter, who is 13, wrote Chris a letter, as the performance was on a school night so my kid could not go. In this note, my daughter brought up gay marriage (Chris is a self-professed “queer”), John McCain, Ellen Degeneres, used the phrase “pish posh” and underneath her signature had written “I approve this message”.


Good news, I have been checking the mailbox and so far, no restraining order!

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Menacing

Posted by The Bludge on October 13, 2009



Menacing, originally uploaded by Eileenbeans.

Had a blast photographing the bay in Virginia Beach, even though the locals clearly wanted me to leave.

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This is What’s Wrong with America

Posted by The Bludge on October 8, 2009

Every year it seems like Halloween costumes for girls get worse. There are no super heroes and all the classics get turned into the sluttiest, smallest pieces of tissue paper possible.


FYI ALL of the costumes you’re about to see are from the “GIRLS” section on the Party City website. That means CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13. This section is TOTALLY SEPARATE from the TEENS section.


Please know this is not an attack on Party City, this is an attack on Ameri…ummm parents.

How is it possible that (the collective) “we” are so ridiculously over-protective of our kids and yet we allow our children to leave the house wearing hot pants with the word “JUICY” across the ass. Parents have actually been SEEN with these children, which indicates that they approve of their child’s attire.

Now, lawd knows I’m not a conservative person. There’s nothing worse than checking out some hot girl’s ass only to look up and realize that it belongs to your neighbor’s kid.
Not that I’ve done that.
She doesn’t live in my neighborhood.
And it turns out she’s 18.
Ummmm, I just made all of that up.


Aaaaaanyway, before I completely appall you with images that will make your brain cringe, I present first, a few costumes in the WTF category:

What the FUCK is a “Polar Princess” other than “Hey it looks like I’m covered up but when I bend over you can pretend you’re my gynecologist!”





Ok, this one isn’t slutty but really? You’re calling this a “Race Car Driver” costume? How many drivers do YOU know that wear pretty pretty dresses when they are out racing cars?



One word:
Lazy.








Now, I present to you, costumes SO hideous and SO trashy they might be seen on the likes of Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan *shudder*

the following costumes should make you at least one of three things:
1) Immeasurably relieved that you do not have a girlchild.
2) Enormously uncomfortable
3) Disgusted, appalled and ashamed



The “Sweetheart Alice” costume. Last time I saw something like this I was at a strip club on Halloween in Key West and let me tell you, that girl was NO sweetheart.





Let me get this straight, this is the Alice-in-Wonderland-meets-Avril-Lavigne-meets-French-Maid costume and you want me to put my 8 year old in it?





This time, someone is mistaking “French Maid” costume for “Car Hop” costume and it is supremely WRONG.





Say it with me: “Future teen mother!”




I don’t know about you, but when I think “devil” my mind immediately thinks “frilly, see-through mini skirt, mmmkaay?”





While this girl appears to be “of age”, this outfit is only available in sizes 4-14 and just so you know, a size 14 should fit a 14 year old girl. Comforting.




I think we are all aware that “Bratz” is an acronym for Beyond Raunchy Awful Tramps ZoMG!





Um, she looks 30, which would be a more appropriate age to wear this, but is still no excuse for actually wearing it.





So, you may be thinking, “Oh, this isn’t so bad, sure, it’s totulley fucking atrocious (Ha ha, see what I did there?) but it isn’t slutty.



It is when you take the SAME COSTUME and put it on a kid 5-10 years older WITHOUT MAKING IT ANY BIGGER.



Apparently fabric has gotten considerably more expensive and also, if you’d just have a seat, Chris Hanson would like to speak with you.





I see NO reason why a witch needs to wear a miniskirt, I mean, how is she going to keep from showing her drawers when she’s flying around on her broom?





Well, I guess this answers the age-old question of “What did the prehistoric hookers look like?”





If you let your kid (kid=under 18) out of the house wearing this, then you probably should start stocking up on diapers now. You know, if you have room in your trailer.



Yes, even if you’re blond and it comes in pink. (p.s. Someone give this gal a cheeseburger)





I hope you don’t think that the fact that this one at least covers up her crotch-area with medusa’s head-snakes, makes up for the fact that IT’S A BOUSTIERRE WITH FISHNETS.





I present the following under “Hey, this is a good costume idea but let’s see just how slutty we can make it for the under 12 crowd:





For some reason this is called the “detective” costume. What the deuce?




Perfect! This one’s already ready for military camp!





Yes, don’t forget the “slut red” lipstick for your 9 year old!





What a waste of $30!





Take off the hat and the belt and you’ve got your slutty Christmas dress too!





This one totally says “I won’t be a virgin for long…” *barf*





Thank God they have her ankles all covered up.





“No Mr. Chris Hanson sir, I just came over here to talk.







I didn’t see the episode where Daphne sang for the B52’s.





This is tights and a T-shirt.
Tights. And a T-shirt.
WHERE ARE HER PANTS!?!?





Yep, size 10-14.







I like to call these “Just…no


Calling this costume “Snow White Ballerina” does not make it make sense.


THIS is what Snow Fucking White looks like:





They call this one “Red Hot” devil.
I call it “Red Hot *barf*”





NO!





What. The. Fuck.





Yep, I can TOTALLY tell this costume is supposed to be a bat because you see, ummm, errrrr there’s like…uhhh, wing….shoulder pads and errrr, she has those…ummmm…devil horns.





Cuz Britney Spears is like, SUCH a good roll model y’all!






This was a smart buy, she’ll be able to use those boots again.





I believe they call this one “Trampy Witch Fairy Ballet Ice Dancer”





Sizes 10-14!
I CAN ALMOST SEE HER CROTCH AND THAT IS NOT OK.




I’m sorry guys. Hopefully you’re as grossed out, appalled, disgusted, and full of the voms as I am.
So, to make us all feel better here are the only DECENT girls costumes that I could find on the website, and by decent I mean “Are not slutty and can be easily recognized as an actual costume”:










































How is it possible that this costume looks simultaneously shitty and ADORABLE?





















However I do want to end on a serious note and that is this, if you design, sell, or dress your kid in the following costume, you should go to jail RIGHTNOW on MANY counts.

GROSSEST THING EVER


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I think I like this photo…

Posted by The Bludge on October 5, 2009



Bird is the word, is the word, originally uploaded by Eileenbeans.

Not only wanted to share a piccy that I like (and I think is good?) but also wanted to test making a bloggy blog post from my Flickr account.

I have now pretty much linked my blog, Twitter, Facebook, and Flickr. Prolly not a good idea.

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