The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

On soccer, fashion, and oh! American Idol!

Posted by The Bludge on February 19, 2010

So I’m pretty sure they’re picking the final four contestants I am SO FAR BEHIND.

Oh goody! Posh is back!

Sure, I was glad to have David Beckham here to play Bocce Ball or whatever-kidding!
I’m a soccer player (Note-I said soccer PLAYER, not soccer Mom)(not that there’s anything wrong with that) and while I don’t really watch a lot of soccer, I’m glad that soccer got a lot of extra attention when Dave came to the LA Galaxy.
Was he over-hyped?
I don’t know, I just told you, I don’t watch a lot of soccer.

Anyway, back to Posh-I don’t like referring to her as “Victoria” because when people say “Posh” you know who they’re talking about, you don’t call Madonna…..oh wait.
Posh is intriguing, I mean, how could FOUR boys have come out of that?!? I’m pretty sure that if she has ever accidentally ingested food it would immediately evaporate in the high-test acid in her body that can be the only explanation for this

Okay, so we’ve covered Major League Soccer (A.K.A ONLY League Soccer), pop icons, and fashion, maybe I should get back to American Idol, yes?

First up was Mark Labriola.

Oh good lord, with that name…
I can’t…I just…

He thinks he looks like Jack Black, but I think he looks like the lead singer from that band Screaming Trees that got famous because he was like the ONLY fat singer EVER apparently (I hate you media).
So, Posh thought he was going to be a joke, but his performance was good.

Mario G. was garbed like a Seattle homeless man and had a continuous, ANNOYING giggle.

I’m pretty sure the entire city of New Orleans could’ve used his pants as a refuge from Katrina.
Did I mention he’s a nicotine addictions counselor?

Note – I didn’t mention his singing. That’s because he didn’t do any. What he did was most definitely NOT singing.

I’m not sure what Kimberly Kerbow was singing…

…but it included telling Simon that she would buy him Rogaine.
The weird thing?
SHE was the one wearing a wig.

Though I liked Danelle, she was trying too hard to sing with a raspy voice because she was singing “I’m the Only One” by Melissa Ethridge, and she was yelling.

I think she cried more during her audition than Paris Hilton when she had to go back to the slammer

It was here that the producers decided to do a parade of losers that you are all REALLY missing out on because I can’t upload pix.
(Maybe if I made money off of this blog I could buy an actual computer that actually works!)

Apparently Casey James thought that this was America’s Next Top Stripper (A.N.T.S.!! I’m trademarking that!) because he ended up topless.
Actually, Kara and Posh were the culprits behind his disrobing.
His singing was much less exciting.

Thanks, American Idol, for showcasing yet another talented 16 year old that makes me wonder WTH I’ve been doing with MY life.
Though Tori is good singer, she was slightly outshined by the young Hope Star, who drew pictures of all of the judges FOR all of the judges. She’s maybe 9 years old and can draw better than I can…along with every child under the age of 4.

Representing the douchebag population and bringing the schmuck was Austin Paul.

Apparently he wants us to know that he is a (self proclaimed) useless football player.
Ok, maybe he didn’t use the term “useless”.
The judges thought he was as cocky as I thought and he didn’t make the cut. PHEW!

Wait. WTF is going on with Posh’s noggin!?

Why does she require a handle?
Is it for hauling her face out of the toilet?

Creating an entirely new genre of music was Kenny Everett

Soul Yodeling.

Oh. Dear. God.
Is the altitude in Denver to blame for this girl squeaking like she was trying to break all of the glass in that triangle thingy in front of the Louvre!?

You know, this thingy.

Speaking of helium suckers…

Nicci Nix came all the way from Italy to audition!
Um, isn’t this called AMERICAN Idol??

Trying to be the first black pop country star was Haeley Vaughn.
She sang “Don’t Even Know His Last Name” and I think she sang it better than Carrie Underwood.
Carrie Underwear needs to stay out of her higher register, it’s just…screechy.

Killing my will to live, and the reason that ear bleach was invented, was Ty Hemmerling.
Ty was wearing only a girls’ bikini.
At least he wasn’t fat, but…

Sortry but i canlt seee tke keyhboarrd now.,
Eyyes burning,.
VCall rfor hewlp!

One Response to “On soccer, fashion, and oh! American Idol!”

  1. Nelly Huppert said

    This is one technology that I would love to be able to use for myself. It’s definitely a cut above the rest and I can’t wait until my provider has it. Your insight was what I needed. Thanks

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