The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

And now, America, we vote.

Posted by The Bludge on February 25, 2010

OMG, we start voting now!?!?

*screeeeeeeeeee*



FYI – I will have pix maybe tomorrow, but until then…



Uh oh, Kara brought her batwings.
Yeah, I like her more this year but sleeves are a lady’s friend.



HEY! Simon’s wearing his undershirt as — get this — an UNDERSHIRT!!!



Ok, panning the girls before they perform, none of their outfits look TOO crazy…except Katelyn really shouldn’t be wearing Cher’s old bath wrap.


So I guess the girls are singing Billboard Hits? So like, every song ever made ever ever ever?


First up is Paige Miles, 24, from Naples Florida
Who IS this girl?? Have we seen her before??
WHY haven’t we seen her before?

She is singing “All Right Now”, yeah, a rock song.
Ok, she starts out singing it all tender and soft like it’s “Three Times a Lady” or something.
I think she forgot some of the words.
She also forgot she is NOT Christina Aguilera.
Run from the runs honey, run away.

I’m not impressed.
Also? Shortalls should be on the next ballot.
VOTE NO!!!

WHOAH NELLIE, Simon thinks this girl has the best voice out of all of the Top 12 girls.
Is she sleeping with him?

Oh my dog, she just told the MILLIONS of people watching TV that she’s been waiting to “pee”.

Wow.

No.


Ashley Rodriguez, 22, from Chelsea, MA.
I’m guessing, from her appearance, that she is from a wealthy neighborhood, yes?

She claims to be singing Leona Lewis “Happy” but moreso I think she is trying to hum to keep herself from passing out from nerves.
She’s very quiet, and is breathing into the mic a LOT.
Well, that’s ok.

Thank god she is GORG because that kinda almost sorta makes up for the singing.
Almost.


Janelle Wheeler, 24, from Orlando, FL
Ok, I’m eating a brownie, so the likelihood of me being nice just went up about 35%.
She’s going to sing “What About Love” by Heart.

BLEH!!

She did the same thing as that first girl, whoever she was, and sang all girly and light, then tried being badass, then all tender, then gritty and it just came off as bi-polar.
It was a bit shrieky and if I didn’t know better I’d think she had Parkinsons (she shook a lot with nerves).

I agree with Simon, when she was getting into the performance/singing she would overshoot her notes.


Lilly Scott, 20, Littleton, CO

Um.

I’m not really sure what just happened, but I think she was pitching a new kids show or something?
I don’t remember that song.
“Fixin’ a Hole” by the Beatles?
I spent the whole time trying to figure out if we had unlocked that song on Beatles Rockband.

Ok, so the singing was good and she seems kinda cool and all, but that was a totally irrelevant performance and it makes sense that Ellen LOVED it because she is much older than I am.

Also, Lilly is blond.



Katelyn Epperly, 19, West Des Moines, IA
She looks um, trampy.

So, YAY! lol

She chose “Oh, Darlin'” by the Beatles(?)

Wow, she’s really into it, but not in a good way.
She needs to stop snarling and cringing before I call for a rabies shot.
Maybe if she stopped doing it she’d look like a regular cokehead hooker instead of a cokehead hooker licking a car battery.
She was actually my favorite of the entire night, she really hit her notes, knew what she was capable of and did it AND was comfortable enough performing.



Haeley Vaughn, 16, Fort Collins, CO
Hmmm, she’s not going with country, she’s going to sing “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles.
Does she not know she’s 16?

Wow, this girl is cool, she’s playing guitar!!
And YELLING.

OW! What did we ever do to you, Haeley!?!?

Some of it is great but a LOT of it is her hitting these notes that are like when your kid is in the basement (and doesn’t have their cell phone) and you’re upstairs in your bedroom and they need you to remind them how to breathe because they’re friggen helpless little life-suckers and….oh sorry.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Haeley was yelling at us.

She did a good job for being 16 and singing and playing guitar on national TV. She even put her own twists on the song (prolly twisted a little too hard sometimes).

She just is so smiley and bubbly that I expect Hello Kitty dolls, puppies, Wonderbread, American flags, and bubblegum to come flying out of every orifice everytime she starts singing.

Whoah, did she just say ‘Pooter’ on national TV?



Lacey Brown, 24, Amarillo, TX
I can’t believe Megan “CAW CAW” Cockring beat her into the top 24 last year.

Oh no, Lacey is singing “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.
Please, no.
Oh dear, it seems like the more she messes up, the more freaked out she gets and the more she messes up.
Song choice and singing were bad – but in the words of Paula, she looked great.



Michelle Delamor, 22, Miami, FL
Another girl that didn’t get any TV time on the audition shows.

She’s going to sing “Fallin” by Alicia Keys.
That’s pretty…ballsy, it’s a tough song.

Well, her version isn’t very unique, but at least she’s singing it well, and she’s pretty smokin’.

OH MY CRAP!! Lookit her sister!!
[There will be a pic here later of a teenage girl with HUGE hair and a cut sweatshirt hanging off of one shoulder]
She was probably BORN the year that look was popular.

So the judges irritated me by telling Michelle that the song was very challenging and it’s a tough song to live up to and then they said she should’ve taken more risks.
HELLO!?!?



Didi Benami, 23, Knoxville, TN – living in LA now.
WHY did Ryan intro her by saying she’s had a really tough year? If they’re still talking about her BFF that died FOUR YEARS AGO they’d better find another dead body cuz they’ve beat that one way too long.

What?

Anyway, Didi sang the same song she auditioned with, the one that includes singing that she will buy someone Rogaine when they lose their hair.
What.
The.
Deuce?
I love her voice, but that is a weirdass song.

Also, why is she wearing the couch cover?



Siobhan Magnus, 19, Cape Cod, MA

She’s a glass-blowing apprentice.
I actually know someone who owns a glass-blowing business, so hey, Siobhan, if you need a job, hit me up.
Simon said he thinks Siobhan is a “dark horse”.

ANYway, Magnusdottir (Siobhan) must’ve been possessed by the WTF bug because she chose to sing “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaac.

That song starts out REALLY LOW and she sounded like she was going to hock a loogie any minute it sounded so throaty.
Simon must be kicking himself in the ass for thinking she had a chance to come from behind and win this thing.

Wait, WHAT!?
the judges LIKED this performance?

No.

She is a bad horse.
A bad horse that needs to be shot.

(Ok, not really, I think she could make some cool music but that was just not coolio, man.)



Crystal Bowersox, 24, Ohio

GTFO!!
Crystal’s going to sing Alannis Morrisette’s “Hand In My Pocket”.

This is strange because *I* sing this song at karaoke because Alannis sounds like a fucking banshee and I can actually make this song sound better than the real recording.

I don’t know why Crystal picked this song cuz she would not have a problem sounding better than Alannis. (Nope, don’t care if I spelled the wailer’s name correctly.)

Before she sang, her preview/bio thingy said that she never watched the show before and that she was only doing this to get a bigger paycheck.
Sure, it’s honest and we know she has a baby but that was not really very endearing.

Anyway, homegirl played the guitar AND the harmonica and she got a standing O from the audience.



Katie Stevens, 17, Middlebury, CT

OH! She’s singing Michael Buble!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

I am not going to bother trying to find that little accent thingy for his e. Just pronounce it “Boob-lay”, ok?

Katie is singing “Feelin’ Good” and you HAVE to hear Michael’s version cuz it’s like Katie’s almost exactly, except with less skirts, ribbons, bows, boobs, and estrogen.

And with more sexy, handsome and dangly genitals.

I didn’t particularly like the performance, it seemed very campy and put-on, but I’m sure she’ll make it through.



So, I actually voted, when I wasn’t watching the episode and writing or taking pix (or eating cereal).
I voted for Crystal, Didi, Haeley, and my fave Katelyn


Now it’s 11:40pm and I have 20 minutes to watch the 2 hour guys’ show so I can call and vote.
Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

Someone tell me how to get the episode on my iPod so I can watch it at work tomorrow.
You know, on my lunch break.

*wink*


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7 Responses to “And now, America, we vote.”

  1. Amy said

    Ok. so here’s the thing .
    10 out of twelve were off key.
    Thats like. alot.

    I liked Crystal but it wasn’t her best performance.
    Didi is great, andI love the Ingrid Michaelson song, but again there is this matter of key.

  2. Diane said

    I am so playing the Rogaine song at my wedding reception…
    Can’t wait for your pictures!! Great blog!

  3. Wayne Marshall said

    BTW “Fixing A Hole” is off of Sgt Pepper’s which is one of the greatest albums of all time.
    Lilly won’t win the competition, but if she keeps choosing unique and interesting songs like that, she is going to garner a nice little fan base that will watch out for her after she leaves the show.

  4. sammy-your fave ever said

    as always, halarious bloggiing! did you think it was weird that there were 4 beatles songs??? yeah, and i agree w you, simons opinion of the first girl being the best was odd, considering she was like the 3rd worst. you crack me up! keep writing, homes! lurve ya

  5. A Hole said

    And you have the right to your belief but, she is very yummy!!, and I’m positive she has to be informed to sing with such belief and spirit in her sound.. have a great day and enjoy the beauty of the travel.

  6. Hung Bilecki said

    Lady Gaga is 1 of the most gorgeous women in the earth. Seriously. Her body is utterly glorious. Haters are just waiting for her to pass but they can wait forever and a day!

  7. Raymundo Buskirk the Insurance Guy said

    It’s still one of the baddest kids on the block, the rocket launcher for all modern rock.

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