The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Episodezzzzz

Posted by The Bludge on March 31, 2010

You guys, last night’s show was so mediocre, so tedious, and so vanilla that I didn’t even vote once.

Not even for my beloved Didi!

The theme for last night was “soul and R&B” and the mentor was one of the biggest stars to be completely (and publicly) pussy-whipped, Usher!!

After having his Mommy as his manager it does NOT surprise me that he was taken for a ride by his megabitch ex(?) wife.
Guess what? I don’t give a fuck if his mom wasn’t actually his manager and I’m not researching that.
THAT’S how committed to this blog I am.
Wild rabid horses couldn’t drag me awa….Oh, look! A butterfly!



#1 SIOBHAN
She’s liked Usher since she was SIX?!?!?!
OMG where’s my cane?

Little did I know that Siobhan was about to massacre (not in a good way) Missy Elliot & Chaka Khan’s “Through the Fire”.

OH OUCH. My EARS!!

OMG I’m convulsing

She’s WAY off key.

It’s horrid, now she’s adding a screechy ride to the earfuck festival.

AND the rest of the song is BORING.

Also, WHY is she wearing shin guards?



#2 Casey
AGAIN with the guitar!

He sang “Hold on I’m Coming” by Sam something-or-other
Wow. He sang all four of those notes over and over, what a tough feat! However did he do it!?!?

Um, did he forget the words again?

Why do the judges love his voice and his range? I’m bored to tears with this guy.



#3 Big Mike!!

Mike sang a song I’m not familiar with, “Ready for Love” by India Arie.

First, if there was better lighting I think I would’ve liked this performance a LOT better. I couldn’t see him and see the emotion.
His singing was good but the song was sloooooooooooooooooooooooow.



#4 Didi sang”What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” and totally cried after singing it to Usher.

I sure hope she doesn’t cry during her performance…

HOLY.
CRAP.
She looks AMAZING!

The dress, the hair, the makeup
WOW

Again, you guys, furrowed brows ≠ emotion!

OMG REALLY!?!? They’re bringing up her friend that died FOUR years ago?
I mean, really??

I think Ryan was just trying to get her to cry so she’d get the sympathy vote.

The judges didn’t think the song came completely together and I have to agree. I didn’t love it.
I didn’t hate it either, though.
I still love Didi, but I guess playing with my son was more important than voting last night.



#5 Tim Urban sang “Sweet Love” by Anita Baker

He looks like he’s in a musical.
He’s just so baby faced.

He did look in the camera and make sweet love (sorry) to it.
No, I’m being serious! He did the look-of-longing very well.
He didn’t sell the WHOLE song but he did ok.
He sang it great!
I like him this week.



#6 Andrew sang Chris Brown “Forever”

Is he gonna end it by beating down his wife?
Sorry, you knew that was coming though.

Hmmm, well this doesn’t sound R&B at all. That’s ok though, it sounds nice.
Are some of the words really “Double your pleasure double your fun”?
Really?

I think Andrew FINALLY did well this week, but I don’t think he will do it again.
Ever.



#7 Katie sang “Chain of Fools”

It was the first time it’s EVER been done on Idol
She did a great job, much more believable than usual.
What I mean is that instead of wanting to stand behind her and mock her I actually was rooting for her a bit.



#8 Lee Dewyze sang “Treat Her Like a Lady” by some brothers or something

MUUUCH better performance than, like, EVAR!!

He’s easy-confident and singing in key!!!!!

Simon said That he has changed his life with this performance.

Is Lee crying? Cuz I’m kinda crying.



#9 Crystal sang “Midnight Train to Georgia”

She’s playing piano instead of guitar.

WHY GOD!?! Why is EVERYONE ELSE talented!?!? Where’s MINE?!??!?!

Usher just called her KID. ?

Yay, it’s good to actually hear her VOICE.

OMG Y’ALL SHE HAS HER EYES OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, she looks so NICE.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate it when contestants argue with the judges and try to justify themselves?
BAH
Just makes them seem whiny.

Also, what the HELL is going on here:

AI Review



#10 Aaron attempted to sing “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone”

I. LOVE. THIS. SONG.

I’m pretty sure 700 people have already sung this on Idol every damned season.

What. Thefuck. Ishewearing?
A leather/sweatshirt hoodie and a plaid shirt?

This is as entertaining as using a kitten to wipe dry paint off of a wall.
No, it’s more boring than that BY FAR.



I think Usher told everyone they have “an incredible voice” which doesn’t mean much because it could be incredibly good or incredibly bad.



Shit you guys, either I need to up my meds or this episode just sucked the fun out of me and wiped a butt with it.



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One Response to “Episodezzzzz”

  1. Amanda said

    Dude!!!! LMAO!!!!!!! Lee=awesome. I really don’t care what Casey sings. YUM!

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