The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Nostalgia and Not Much Else

Posted by The Bludge on January 25, 2011

I took my sweet time making this post for one reason: That show was BORING. Even with FOUR other people in my living room, we couldn’t come up with funny zings.
The best thing about the entire show was this:

Anyway, for some reason it started out with some dramatic introduction of a guy playing the piano and “singing”.

Honestly he was howling.

Why does God hate us?

Anyway, JLo, you are not Gloria Estefan circa 1989.

First up is Jordan, a kid who is pretty cute and I guess he can sing, the judges are giving him verbal handjobs.
Ok, I listened to him again later (mostly cuz my friends were there and I pretty much couldn’t hear the television) and yeah, kid can blow.

Sarah Sellers, who was pretty much instantly likeable, sang Bob Dylan “Make you Feel My Love”.
Oh, she sounds like Oink WHOOPS I meant PINK. Freudian typo. (That seriously happened while I was taking notes)

Then there was Jovany (what kind of spelling is that?) Ok, I like this dood. And y’all read yesterday that I’m not a fan of doods but I like his voice and um, well, he sang in spanish.

Wait, what? He’s taking off his top.
Is this Jersey again? what the hell just happened?
Oh dear God, now Steven and Randy are taking off THEIR tops!?! What is this, Mardi Gras!?!?

I thought he said he was a shipworker? Are my ears that bad?! Did he say stripper?
(Why is he eyeballing Steven like that?)

I did not get a picture of this next gal for some reason, perhaps it was because she reminds me of my husband’s last ex-girlfriend. Or maybe it was mine, I forget. Anyway, Jacquelyne brought Randy Jackson’s old football coach and pictures from when he was young and fro-tastic.
Her singing was ok and she made it through.

Next up was 16 year old Brett – Carrot Top’s little brother that used to be his little sister.

What is UP with his parents?? Are they sure he’s not adopted?

–Oh wait, it’s a little obvious that mom has had some work done…maybe she used to look like him too.

Oh crap, I am supposed to NOT be making fun of people for the way they look cuz it really is shitty and I don’t like feeling shitty.

You know, some may say he’s like the female Susan Boyle, whoops Freudian typo (true story). Male susan boyle.

What the fuck is wrong with everyone!?!!? It is NOT a compliment to say “Oh, by looking at you we wouldn’t have thought you could SING WELL. I mean, you’re so disgusting that I want to break into a car and steal the battery just so I have acid rub into my eyes, but WOW, your voice! It’s great!”

Jacee is a 15 year old thick boy and he sang really well, but um, no, he’s not an american idol.

I must state that I did not say this next line but it WAS uttered in my house…
Judge on TV: “15 even though he looks 12″….Miscreant in my house: “hundred pounds”
I SWEAR it wasn’t me!!!

He totally wasn’t excited about making it through to Hollywood or anything. Not that he was all “Yeah, of COURSE I made it through,” he totally wasn’t cocky at all (don’t worry, that comes later sweetie). HAH, see what I d…never mind.

Paris: The first (and last) sob story of the night, has a little girl that could’ve been aborted because she had like, water on the brain, but she had her anyway and her daughter has difficulties like hearing loss and shit.

Paris is hot as HIZELL and she’s a good singer.

Jennifer Lopez was crying through this girl’s performance. Is it just me or do you get all choked up just seeing a person cry?
Just me?
Ahh fuck.

Anyway, Paris is hot, amiright!?

So since this post sucked almost as much as the Star Wars Christmas Holiday Special, why don’t you go check out

One Response to “Nostalgia and Not Much Else”

  1. Amanda said

    Thank God you are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLUDGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVVEE ITT!!!!!

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