The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Chihuahuas, Ex’s, Rednecks, Crowns, and a full-body Condom.

Posted by The Bludge on February 6, 2011

Today’s waste of show comes from Nashville, TN!

You know, there hasn’t been a lot of interesting things to say about the judges, I mean, they’re good, and usually they’re pretty, but there’s something…missing…
I dunno, they’re just not drunk enough I guess.
Anyway, here’s a couple pictures of them

(No one cares about Randy)

First up is some dumbass blond named Christine.
She’s one of those people that is deliberately being a total waste of my time. These are the people that I will not bother to photograph.
She speaks kind of like a Chihuahua barks.

Chelsea Oaks and her ex Rob something were judged at the same time because they still live together and it appears that she moved on and he is slightly resentful.

It’s sad that you can just look at Rob and see that he’s totally pussy whipped.
When he sings he looks kinda bored. Like he got stoned one too many times and he got stuck that way.
They both got through to Hollywood.
Neither one prolly would’ve gotten through without the back-story and singing a duet for the judges.
Well, maybe he would’ve gotten in, she was ok, but nothing special.

Tattoo artist Louis AKA Mr. Redneck Bandana is singing Skynrd. SHOCKING.

He made a comment regarding the color of ice cream possibly relating to race and Jennifer looked appalled there for a second but I really have no idea what to be offended about…other than dairy is the DEBIL!!!!!
He didn’t make it through, due to sounding like mud tires on gravel (I dunno, but that’s what I imagine redneck sounds like)

19 year old Miss Teen USA 2009, Stormi Henley sang “Father Can You Hear Me”

Steven said yes (DUH), Jennifer said no cuz her voice was not strong enough.
It was down to Randy and SHOCKER, he said yes even though at first he wasn’t sure.
I almost feel bad for these people that you watch barely sneak into going to Hollywood cuz you know they’ll get cut the first day/week/whatever. Almost, except they get to go to Hollywood while I sit here and write about how much THEY suck. Wow, perspective.

Adrienne lives on a farm and was adopted at 2.

Her parents are white and she is black. Ok, unusual, but did we need to see that? Yeah, we did, I loved watching her cute parents talk about her. I’m becoming soft!!
Steven loved her voice, I didn’t see something huge. She sang “American Honey” which I do not like (the song). When did honey become American?? I HATE THAT SONG.

Kameela did something she thought was singing “Some Sweet Thing”
She sounds like Whitney Houston being gang-raped by about 17 chain saws

They briefly showed some guy dressed in a full body condom, which prolly will never even be necessary.

Jackie Wilson was so good that she got the judges to clap for her!!

I really like her voice! I know, it’s usual for me to say something nice.

omg. Everything was fine until she came out and mouth-kissed the guy that I thought was her FATHER! Ew! (Don’t click on that)

26 year old Latoya kinda looks like she’s 14

She sang like a horny female cat getting it’s hair combed by a machete.

Then there were 2 or 3 guys that they showed very briefly that supposedly had good voices but they didn’t really show us that part.
But the dying cat up there? That gets 3 minutes.

Farmer Bob, I mean Matt Dillard, comes from a family that had 700 foster kids over 23 years.
His singing was really unremarkable, but his outfit was SUBLIME!

Jennifer said no, Randy said yes and Steven said yes so he’s going to Hollywood.
For a week.

Ending the show with a sob story is heavily accented Lauren Alaina who is 15 years old and from Georgia.

Her cousin, who is like her older sister, was diagnosed with a brain tumor and I guess she’s doing ok but they never really made it clear.
Methinks her Mom is a total cougar, her dad-person (step?) looks a good 15 years younger.
Anyway, the judges say she’s the best one so far.
She sang Aerosmith’s Don’t Want to Miss A Thing and um, I gotta say, it was pitchy LOL

Next up is auditions in Austin, TX

Sorry for the delay folks, I’ve had the plague and I was down and out for the count, BIG TIME. I’ve been ingesting enough NyQuil and Lidocaine (yes, Lidocaine) to kill a pony. The good news is there’s still some lung left that I haven’t coughed up yet!

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