The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs


Posted by The Bludge on February 10, 2011

Today we are watching auditions in LA or Hollywood or some vapid city.

Also, they are showing the good people from the 16,000 submissions via MySpace.
Hold on, I’ve got to dial-in by modem to check my AOL…

Ok you guys, Randy is wearing Gold Lamé shoes.

I guess I could have just written “lame”.

Jennifer Lopez is pretty boring-looking today, but still nice:

Our first reject, Victoria, believes that God brought the entire auditions to LA for HER.
Nope, no picture. She was one of THOSE people. Those people that know damned well that they would be more useful to society by turning into compost.
She blamed her complete lack of talent on her nerves.
Her nerves must hate her.
And us.

Tim H sang a song with 2 and a half notes. He could hit the notes (all both of them) but there was no meat behind his voice, no strength.
No picture.

Daniel and Isaac are friends.

Daniel (L) sucks really hardcore. Isaac is the cute one but in addition to disappointing his parents on national TV because he dropped out of college (and hadn’t told them yet) he also butchered “Build Me Up Buttercup”.

Karen Rodriguez was a Myspace contestant and she had a great voice, great control.

Tynisha is a joke.
She’s “met some other artistes” and she has 3 albums that are ready to be composed.
She ralphed all over Christina Aguilera’s “Impossibowl” (her pronunciation).
Then she chased Randy off the stage.
No really, he couldn’t take any more and walked off and she chased after him, still singing.
Poor Randy.

Heidi is a belly dancer who can also sing apparently.
They didn’t show much of the singing part.

I think you see why.

Matt was not photographed.
Matt, was ugly.
I know, it’s not really fair, but he was ugly inside and out.
I think he tried to throw out a rhyme, and theoretically sang something.
It was not good.
I did NOT want to take a picture of that.

Then there were a LOT of bad people. BAD.

Brothers, Mark and Aaron were a lot of fun

It’s like Balky squared!
They sang a duet, “Lean On Me”
It was actually quite good and they made it through.

The last guy is Cooper who is probably about 67 years old. Wait, he says he’s 59.
I’m not sure whether he’s on PCP or meth.
The judges are afraid and shockingly he actually walks off without needing a big burly escort.
I don’t know how I didn’t get a picture of this guy except I guess I was waiting to get a picture of him being shown the door.

So, next up is San Francisco!!
I’m catching up because I had the Black Death and my throat got so raw I had to shellac it with Lidocaine.
No lie, it was very gaggy. At least it didn’t have a taste.
Oh wait, I’m sick, I can’t taste anything.
Ahh well, the Nyquil is kicking in and I fsklahvrnvjdtjfkeldljsdhfgkfggggggggggggggg

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