The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Murcan Idol, y’all!

Posted by The Bludge on February 10, 2011

So there seems to be a lot of laser sounds in the “new” theme song.
Either that or I’ve been downing WAY too much NyQuil.
Truth is, it’s probably the latter.

So here we are in Austin, TX, prepare to be assaulted by cowboy hats.


Let’s check out what J-Lo is wearing today:

She will need every single one of those tissues to get Christina Aguilera’s lipstick-paint off of her face.


Anyhonkey, Corey and his sister didn’t meet until he was 15.
They ride horses.
He’s got a boy-band sound and I’m not impressed.


Hollie is 17 and is singing Etta James. They barely played any of her singing and Randy said no and she started crying and Jennifer asked her to sing again so she had to suck it up sing again. I actually like her voice. Her second song was good even though she sang “The Climb” and even though she had to calm herself down during it. I am SURE she’ll make it through the pressure of Hollywood week.
SURE.
(I’m not sure)


This is honest-to-goodness Cowboy John Wayne Schulz

His parents named him John Wayne cuz his Dad wanted a hardass son
LOL
He sang “Believe” by Brooks and Dunn
Oh! His voice is so deep!! It’s so nice to hear a NOT boy-band.
omg his Mom is gonna make me cry cuz she’s crying


Some dumb broad named Courtney wants to impress Ryan Seacrest. I’m betting she can’t sing.
She’s clearly insane. Her soggy cry-face is NOT attractive
She did an impression of a chicken
She sang”Stay” by Sugarland.
It wasn’t a trainwreck like I thought it was going to be.
She made it through to Hollywood. Dear lord, why??

Whoah.
Someone actually sang Soundgarden.
AND.
MADE.
IT.
THROUGH.


Schmuck and Schmuckette here were really annoying, Fox really played up their little love story.

Girl schmuck was loud but good.
Boy schmuck was decent but sang a song with about 3 notes.
They both made it through, and they very well might have made it through if they auditioned separately.


Janelle here, is very pretty.


And she’s a good singer.



And she’s pretty.


And then there was an armadillo…

Wait,
What?


A freaking armadillo


Casey looks like Seth Rogan and plays a melodica.

He did a pretty good job of singing Ray Charles “I Don’t Need No Doctor”
He did not look like he was going to be able to sing (I’m an asshole) but y’all, he could BLOW!

And that concludes my boring-ass review of American Idull.


Move along little doggy.

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