The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Hollywerd.

Posted by The Bludge on February 23, 2011

Yes, the new Idol theme is definitely more whooshing and lasers.
I don’t like it you guys.
You know what I DO like?
Complaining.
Duh.


So, this was Jennifer’s wardrobe for the first half of the show:

Apparently it’s only slightly hot in Hollywood as JLo’s shoulders are toasty


There are 327 contestants at Hollywood week.

Hmm, assuming plane tickets from Armpit, Iowa to Hollyweird cost (as a low guess) about $300, that’s $98,100 to fly 327 people. And then all the losers have to go home, which means sending 307 twerps back to Banjopick, Missouri costing $92,100 (I just got a calculator app for my Droid, can you tell?)

Oh, HALF of the contestants go home after today!! That’s 165.5 people going home (I feel sorry for THAT guy) which will cost at least $49,050.

I think that’s more than I make a year.
Oh, right! It’s time to pay taxes! That’s right, I make WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY less than $49,050. I’m practically not making any money at all, IRS.
(Do you think they’re buying that?)


Anyfamewhore, the good news about Hollywood week(s) is that there’s no more howling, just-want-to-get-on-TV jackwagons wasting my time…..well, hopefully.

Brett, our favorite little nerdy ginger is up first and nervous as hell.

He sang “Let It Be” and did a pretty good job.

I know I said I’m trying not to pick on people for their appearances, but come on, this is The Bludge, so SUCK IT readers.
I…just…this should not happen:


Rachel Zevita totally looks like my cousin and/or that little curly-haired girl from the Pepsi commercials.

And, DAMN, she can really blow.


Victoria Huggins just does NOT stop smiling.

I LOVE this picture of her, because she looks like Lacey Chabert and that girl has horse-face too.
Ouch, she just got cut.
Probably she’ll be back in a year and will be really good.


One of my favorites, Paris, is singing Celine Dion, which is not cool, man. I mean, Celine Dion is like that nerdy kid that followed you around in school that you wished would just drop off the face of the earth.
Anyway, I especially wished she wasn’t singing this song because she just WRECKED it. Not good.
But, she’s SO pretty…

Wait, WHAT?!? They actually let Paris through to the next round.


You know, I would probably be one of those people that totally forgot the lyrics, of which there were a few.


Jacee, the chubby 15 year old, just has the most beautiful voice, just so clear and subtle

If he had a stage presence he’d be great.
But he doesn’t.
He’s FIFTEEN, let him be 15.


Thank you American Idol and Fox for THIS image:


It’s a new day and a new outfit for JLO, let’s see what she’s wearing today

Looks like she’s been raiding her abuelita’s closet.

What’d you say?
That’s Steven Tyler?
Of Aerosmith?
Are you sure?
I sure hope he didn’t start snorting birth control pills or something.


I like Jennifer Lopez’s…uhhh…

outfit.


That put me in the mood for Jerome Bell who gets props for singing “Let’s get It On,” one of my favorite songs of all time.

He made it through.
DUH, that’s Marvin Gaye!!


So, right before EVERY commercial Ryan tells me “You won’t BELIEVE what happens next.”
But I do.
Because there have been ZERO surprises.


This douchenozzle Tiffany (no picture, because I don’t hate you guys that much), pulled straight from a Jersey Shore dumpster, gets on stage and says:
I’m gonna be honest, I’m tired of seeing people try to do, what I know I can.”
Say it with me…
CUNT!
Then she sings a song sounding (and looking) like a failed drag queen.

AND SHE MADE IT THROUGH.

OK RYAN, I am SHOCKED!!

FINALLY!!


Ay dios mio!
That’s the end of the first day of Hollywood!
168 contestants are left for me to make fun of, YAY!

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One Response to “Hollywerd.”

  1. Ironjen said

    I am so glad that you watch these for me!

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