The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Coming Up…

Posted by The Bludge on February 24, 2011


Hello and welcome to Coming Up!
Coming up next on Coming up, we’ll see what’s coming up and talk about what’s coming up and then maybe we’ll show you what we told you is coming up, but no, we’ll just show you what’s coming up!

Seriously you guys, I was so irritated with all the promos before the commercials of what was going to happen on the next promo before the next commercial that I actually timed the parts of the show where they were talking about people singing, and the parts of the show (all both) where contestants were actually singing.


Coming Up…after the blog post…you will not BELIEVE the results…how much time are YOU wasting watching this show if you don’t have DVR?
The results!! Coming Up!!


So, there’s 100 contestants left today.

Today they can sing a capella or with a small band.

Contestant #1 Haley Reinhart

sang “God Bless the Child”.
She had a pretty nice voice, nice growl/soul to it. Her singing seemed just a little off pitch but she has a big strong voice.
She comes across as young, but not weirdly too young to sing with soul or anything.
I think she closes her eyes too much while she’s singing, like she’s singing to herself more than to us.



COMING UP AFTER CONTESTANT ONE…


Contestant #2 Ashthon Jones (pronounced Ashton…WTF is with the H????)

Beautiful hair, awesome cleavage…I mean, dress. Good singing, good use of the stage.
Her singing was strong and on key, it wasn’t as big as Haley’s but still big.
I don’t know what song it was, but she did a good boob job.



COMING UP BEFORE CONTESTANT 4…


Contestant #3 Thia Megia, 15 years old

She sang what a Wonderful World. Had GREAT vibrato.
She sounded really sharp but good; beautiful tone.
Her stage presence is not perfect, she knows she can sing and isn’t cocky about it, but she’s just singing words in the right key, she’s not feeling it or making me feel it.



COMING UP AFTER OVER-ANALYZING A STUPID TV SHOW…


Contestant #4 Frances Coontz

I’m not liking her glasses.
Just so you know.
Also, she was SOoooooo out of key.
Steven Tyler asked the band to show her what key to sing, but they didn’t show any of her singing IN key.



COMING UP AFTER THE JUDGES ROLL AROUND BACKSTAGE IN THEIR MONEY…


Contestant #5 Clint Jun Gamboa

This is the DJ that I don’t really care for as a human (he kicked JC out of there band but whatevs, I prolly wouldn’t have wanted him in my group either seeing as he completely forgot his lyrics and shit) but also, I hate Clint’s glasses.
Anyway, he sang “Georgia on my Mind” in a mostly Adam Lambert way.
His voice is VERY nasally



COMING UP BEFORE CHARLIE SHEEN DOES A ROOM FULL OF HOOKERS AND BLOW…


Contestant #6 Kendra Chantelle

Very pretty (looking), nice deep tone, great voice.
She, and almost everyone else also sang Georgia on my Mind.


Contestant #7: Sophia Shorai also also sang Georgia on my Mind.

She had a little raspyness to her voice which was cool, but she had awkward stage movements.



COMING UP AFTER 7 SHOTS OF GIN…


Contestant #8 Carson Higgins

This crazy dood is singing Bobby Brown “My Prerogative” with the band.
He sang it pretty well actually
The song didn’t showcase his voice very much but it was very fun. He’s a very quirky dood.



COMING UP AFTER THROWING UP 6 SHOTS OF GIN…


Contestant #9 Chris

is singing Bobby Brown “My Prerogative” withOUT the band but played his acoustic guitar.
He sounded pretty boring actually.
And really “they call me nasty”? No, honey, it just doesn’t work with you saying it.
He even sounded like he was bored with it and afterward he knew that it was not great.



COMING UP AFTER A TRIP TO THE E.R. (which they now call the E.D. btw)…


They barely showed the next 3 people singing. Not really enough to even tell if they were any good.

Contestant #10 Julie Z. sang Sara Borellis’s “Lovesong” and played the keyboard.



COMING UP AFTER I MAKE A POT OF COFFEE…


Contestant #11 Caleb Hawley looked more strung out than Gary Busey after snorting John Belushi’s ashes

His voice wasn’t strong – it was kinda thin. He was in key at least, but not too impressive – unless you count being impressed with his ability to stay perpendicular to the ground.



COMING UP AFTER ARMAGEDDON… (the event, not the movie)


Contestant #12 Colton Dixon played keyboard and sang some Coldplay song (or something)

He had a really great voice, nice and full, and even though he was singing a song that was SOOOO overplayed on the radio (and in department stores) I still actually wanted to listen because of his voice…and that is unusual.


Contestant #13 Simply Red AKA Brett Loewenstern
Reminder, he is only 16 years old

Since they didn’t play much of him singing, I have no idea what song he sang, it was kinda slow and pretty boring.
He kinda had a tiny voice?
Is it possible for him to NOT wear sunglasses on the top of his head?



COMING UP AFTER THE RIOTING IN EGYPT…


Contestant #14 Robbie Rosen played keyboard.

They played more of him than the last 4 people for some reason. His end note was strained and shaky/wobbly (Randy would say pitchy).
He pretty much sang the whole song with his eyes closed.
He’s got such big features, teeth, nose, hair…yep, I’m not taking that down the road you think I was going down.


Contestant #15 Casey Abrams, who previously played the melodica, is playing a full bass on the stage today.

Casey sang Georgia on My Mind
First it was just him and the bass, then the band joined in and it was pretty fucking AWESOME.
omg my daughter just pointed out that Mr. Man is only NINETEEN years old!!
I swear it seems like he’s been playing jazz joints for YEARS.
That was even the kind of singing that after it started, he didn’t even have to be on key the entire time. If he hit a bad note it wouldn’t matter because his stage presence is great and you can tell that he is flowing with the music and putting his whole heart and being into the song.
That was really fun. Watch this guy, he’s going places.



COMING UP AFTER YOUR MOM…


Contestant #16 Chelsee Oaks, aka the girl half of the “ex couple”…

is upset that her roommate and “best friend in the entire world” Jacqueline got sick and ended up going to the hospital and leaving the competition.
*blink*
Ummmmmmmmm, didn’t they meet last week?
Chelseee very nasally sang Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You” .
It was piiiiiiiiitchy.
Her voice wasn’t strong enough and she really faltered on her last note.
She knew it wasn’t good.


Contestant #17 Lauren Alaina is singing “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” (sorry, no pic).
Lauren is is 15 years old.
She was TWO YEARS OLD when that song came out.
Fuuuuuck me.
She has such a big voice with great control and big vibrato and she’s very likeable but Simon totally would’ve called her performance “hotel singer” or something.



COMING UP AFTER A DOUBLE RAINBOW…


Contestant #18 Jacob Lusk

Mr. Man sang God Bless the Child
He’s making some funny faces but he made up for it by singing his fucking heart out.
He has such a nice thick voice when its low and he even hit a high Adam Lambert note!!
Amazing range. Amazing.
The judges gave him a standing O.
He was not connecting with the audience but he’s got such a voice that it really didn’t matter. His singing was totally captivating.
It totally made me cry when I replayed it.
Shut up, he totally cried too, so it’s ok lol


Contestant #19 John Wayne Schulz

He sang “Landslide” and played guitar with no backup.
It was ok, not something to write home about



COMING UP AFTER I RUN TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT QUICK…


Contestant #20 Ashley Sullivan

UGH, the drama queen.
Ryan Seacrest actually referred to her as an “Emotional Timebomb”
LOLz
She tried to sing “Everything” by Michael Buble a Capella “for her boyfriend.”
BARF
She stopped and messed up the words and asked to restart and then started “freaking out.”
She REALLY needed the backup music.
And she kept apologizing
GAWD what an asshole she is.
TOTALLY reminds me of myself lol



COMING UP AFTER I UPDATE MY FACEBOOK STATUS…


Contestant #21 Stefano Langone sang “I Can Feel it All Over”

Totally forgettable performance.


By this time I was so irritated with my camera literally taking 10 seconds from the time I clicked the picture to the time it actually popped up on the LCD.
What.
The.
Hellz.
I DID only use manual settings though to take the pictures and didn’t rely on the automatic setting, my teacher would be proud.



COMING UP AFTER I FINISH DOING MY TAXES…


Contestant #22 Jovany Barreto sung a Marc Anthony song (I think) a capella

It was ok. He’s kinda hot so maybe a little more memorable than Stefano, although I think I like Stefano’s personality and presence a bit more.


Contestant #23 JaCee Badeaux sang “Time of my life”

NOT the Dirty Dancing version.
Thank god, I don’t even want to THINK about how young HIS PARENTS were when that movie came out.


The judges liked these last few boys.


But then there was…
Contestant #24 Scotty McSomething, who made up new words to “I Hope you Dance”

Very interesting ones.
Even he said he would kick him off.



COMING UP AFTER YOUR WILL TO LIVE BIDS YOU ADIEU…


Contestant #25 Tatynisa Wilson

Also ATTEMPTED to sing “I Hope you Dance”
She also forgot the words.
And sang really really sharp.
and made Randy make this face


Thankfully, that was the last contestant.
Now they show about 10 minutes of the judges mumbling about which contestants they like/want to DIAF.


COMING UP AFTER 4 FORD COMMERCIALS, 7 COKE SPOTS AND ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


The contestants are split into 4 groups:

Room 1 Includes people like: JC, drama queen Ashley, Simply Red, Lauren, Robbie, James Duran (Adam Lambert v1.5), and Casey Abrams. SHOCKINGLY (sarcasml) this group goes through to the next round.

Room 2: There’s no one in this room that I remember or that they played on this show except for Chelsee, who sucked. This group got sent home. I was shocked again.

Room 3 also included zero people that I recognized and surprisingly (if you’re in a coma) they did not make it.

Room 4 is going through due to DUH two groups always go through. People in room 4 include crazy blond guy, Jovany, ugly-glasses-guy, and Jacob Lusk so I’m sure that room KNEW they were going.


They kept saying something SHOCKING would be revealed “after the break”
and there was NOTHING.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

The only surprise I could find was that Scotty actually made it through!!


Not even JLo’s outfit was that interesting. I mean, she totally had sequined mom-shorts and a bump-it but it wasn’t the Grammy’s dress or anything.


Are you curious about how much show there actually was, and how much was filler?

COMING UP AFTER THIS…SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT’S COMING UP…


23 minutes of your life that you will never get back were spent watching “COMING UP AFTER THE BREAK…”

and a WHOPPING 12.25 minutes of the singing competition were spent actually listening to people sing.


COMING UP…YOU WILL LEAVE ME A COMMENT!!


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4 Responses to “Coming Up…”

  1. Di said

    My job is done

  2. Amanda said

    OMG–your posts make MY DAY!

  3. Ironjen said

    I will leave you a comment after these messages…

    And do people actually do SHOTS of GIN??

  4. Maui Jim sunglasses are all polarised sunglasses so the optical clarity is hard to beat although Oakley sunglasses come right up there. DVR Sunglasses

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