The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

The Idol Element

Posted by The Bludge on March 3, 2011

This episode aired on 02-23 – yes, I’m a little behind.
Well, actually, I have a big behind, but that’s neither here nor there.
Actually, it’s kind of both, like I said, it’s big.

ANYhooker…about Idol…

Apparently they’re in Vegas, and everyone must sing Beatles songs



I’m definitely a Beatles person and not really a Rolling Stones person.

There are 61 contestants left now and they will soon be massacred down to 24! I sure wish they would ask my opinion because I could definitely do it in less than TWO FUCKING HOURS.

So the contestants got to pick either one or two people to sing with and then they picked a BEATLES! song out of a hat and they had 24 hours to practice it.
Assuming they got at least 4 hours of sleep, they actually had 20 hours to practice.
TOTALLY adequate.

Thia and Jersey (I don’t know her name-just that she’s from Jersey) were not ready and Thia was giving us some SERIOUS teenager-face

They all got to have vocal coaches, there were 4 different ones and apparently one of them is “THE VOCAL COACH FROM HELL” (Ryan’s words)
Of course they had to play lots of footage of her being a total bitch to the little girls.
Why are we concentrating on a total crotchface?!?
Why is this worth watching?
Oh, that’s right! Cuz we feel better that we are 1) not her, and 2) not the girls.

OMG some of these kids have never even HEARD a Beatles song.


Now that is just bad parenting.

Before performing for the judges, the groups performed in front of a shit ton of producers who of course they showed only being super critical.
Wait, they can pick a different song?? I don’t get it. One of the groups was told by the producer-types they should pick a different song…what exactly was the point of the picking-songs-from-a-hat?

Stefano & James Durbin were the first duo up, singing “Get Back”

Why is James wearing a karate kid bandana?

That song was ok for Stefano but I didn’t like it with James’ voice.
Anyone else think of Fez when they look at Stefano?
Not like, the character Fez from That 70’s Show, but the actor, Willlll…mer V… whatever, I don’t want to look up how to spell it, that’s why I called him FEZ!
ANYway, you little bitches, what I mean by that is he’s a totally likeable little guy – unassuming and goofy, but he can also be pretty good looking.

Next up are high school pals Pia and Karen

Why is Karen’s hair so big?
And unkempt?

The girls sang “Can’t Buy Me Love”.
Karen was overdoing her show part of the performance (over-acting) but whatevs, she gives good song.
In fact, both of the girls sang well and are very pretty.

Oh boy, Jacob Lusk!
He’s in a group with Naima and Haley

Haley sang first, the register was pretty low but I think she pulled it off. I listened to her last performance that I thought was really good, with a big voice and all that and honestly, she was pitchy the whole time.
Naima’s first note was off key and they really didn’t show much of her.
Jacob, again with the eyes closed and the un-present stage presence, he sang well. DUH

Apparently they all went to the school of “I’m singing passionately, ergo I must crouch”

What the hell song are they singing?
Their almost-last note was SHARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppp
JLo said “Very very nice” in an almost condescending way, like she was surprised they didn’t suck lolz
HELLO!? They had JACOB! lol

Rachel Z was the only one in her group that they showed, they sang “Eleanore Rigby”
Her voice was a bit singy-singy (like, too broadway) but still good

Not-Blond-Lauren sang “Let It Be” with Jovany, well, theoretically. They really only showed Lauren singing.
She pretty much kicks ass, though I neglected to take her picture.

Tim Halperin and Julia Zorrilla diddled each other.
Wait, that’s not what I meant to type….they played keyboards together.
There we go.

They really sang well together. it wasn’t great singing, nothing earth sharttering (typo and it stays) but it was nice.

Lakeisha, Tatyneshia, and Jerome sang “When I Saw Her Standing There”

I like Miss Lakeisha’s voice best, Tatywhatever was a bit highpitched and nasally and apparently Jerome exists(?)
They kicked the harmonies ASSES though, did a great job.

Kendra and Paul weirdly sang “Blackbird”?

Kendra frequently looked either like she forgot she was on stage periodically or she forgot to poop earlier and was thinking about pooping later.

She didn’t seem to know what to do while he was singing

There needs to be a voice-over thingy that says what she’s thinking. Like, here, I believe she’s thinking “What is with all the beards this season?”

Oh god, wait, she must’ve just got kicked in the crotch, cuz she just squeaked.
The judges loved his voice – they gave her compliments, too but his voice is kinda…unique.

Oh, UGH, Ashley the drama queen is taking advantage of being in Vegas and is GETTING MARRIED.
They’re getting married where Britney Spears got married.
You know, for luck, I guess.
You know, cuz also they’re trash.

The CAMERA GUY is their witness.
She’s wearing pleather pants. (FYI, even MS Word doesn’t think that pleather is a word.)
Dear Lawd, please let him be shooting blanks.

Thia and whoever are up now, and they had to bring up the coach from hell again…
Oh, Melinda is the non-Asian’s name.


They’re singing “Here Comes the Sun”
NO. Thia should be kicked off RIGHT NOW.
Thia’s wearing shortalls.
Hell NO I didn’t get a picture of that, why would you want to see it?

Melinda looked surprised to find that she was singing
Melinda should prolly come back next year, she’s just SO YOUNG, she needs more maturity and experience.

Next up is Ash(OMG)ley and Sophia.

Oh UGH, why is Ryan talking to Ashley?
She’s a DOUCHE.
They sang “We Can work It Out”
Their performance was weird. Not awful but…odd.
The judges didn’t dig it either, YAY!

Denise, Scotty, and Blond-Lauren sang(?) “Hello, Goodbye”
Denise looks like she just left jazzercise; why is she wearing spandex shorts and a sequined tank top?
Scotty just sounded weird and Lauren just wasn’t in her element.
They ran around the stage at the end and it was funny/cute but it made them sing funny cuz they were running (in heels-except maybe for maybe Scotty but prolly he was wearing cowboy boots and those have heels)

omg you guys, Casey and Chris’s performance was excellent.

They sang “Feel All Right”? and they harmonized great, but their performance was really great.
Just too cute/funny/awesome.
I seriously don’t understand how Casey is only 19.

Aaron, Robbie, and Jordan already had experience being a group from Hollywood.

They all sounded great and their performance was good too.
I think Robbie sounded better than the other 2.

And that was it for performances.
So, they immediately start telling contestants if they are through or cut.
WEIRD, I thought they were going to show a lot of slow shots of people walking towards the judges and crying and shit.
I think that comes later.

(Spoiler: It does)

So, the first group through is: Jordan, Ashthon, Lauren Alaina, Thia, Robbie, some guy with big hair, and SCOTTY.
What did I ever do to the judges??

The first people cut are some hot chic – oh she’s the white house intern, Crazy blond guy, and strung out guy
Then there’s Melinda, Denise (maybe she should’ve worn pants), and Sophia, and ASHLEY!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!

WHOAH, and she didn’t freak the fuck out and sob and cut herself or anything.
Weird, she must be on high on Oxycodone.

Oh, so NOW they are going to walk slowly towards a chair and find out their fate.
But, they haven’t performed any more than they had since the last cut, so I have NO idea what they’re basing this on, since they made it through yesterday….oh wait again, they are doing one more performance. Heh
In a hangar.
*looks left*
*looks right*
I dunno either.

There are 40 people left and they’re keeping 24 of them. So they’re kicking off less than half.
If my daughter was awake I’d make her figure out the percentage, but I don’t do the maths.

Naima sang Corinne Bailey Ray’s “Put your records on” for her last performance for the judges.
I’m glad they did a solo performance cuz the group thing is kinda weird.

So, tell me Naima doesn’t look like the blue opera singer in The Fifth Element!

I didn’t hella love her solo performance, but whatevs.
The judges led her on and then told her she is through. That’s cool, she does seem like a cool person.

Hmmm, I wonder if they’re going to pull a rabbit out like they did last year, and prolly the year before) and have two people left in the room and they know only one of them is going through but then they BOTH get through, cuz those judges, they’re CRAZY.
(They can read teleprompters)

Holly sang Alicia Keys “No one”. She has a weird accent, I can’t figure out what it is…and she walks like a linebacker
Or, like, a gymnast
She did not make it through
JLo told her that she was outvoted cuz SHE wanted to keep her, but also she thinks since Holly is only 17, she can come back and win this thing straight up on another season.


got cut.
😦 boo
I like her voice

Some guy named Alex also got cut.
I don’t remember him and didn’t get his pic

For his final performance, Clint AKA Mr. Terribleglasses, sang Lionel Richie but they only played 2 words of it. (Yay?)
Of course he’s going through, Randy’s frowning and shaking his head, which means that JLo and Steven loved it.

Haley’s turn

NO idea what she sang for her last performance, but it was “WHOAH-y”.
She made it through! Cool, I do want to see her, I think she has a good stage presence and I love that she is young and little and has such a big voice.
Maybe she can be my replacement for Christina Aguilera now that XTina is a cheating whore and also possibly a drunk (of a less-than-Charlie-Sheen calibre).

Deandre is one of the babies at 16.

DAMN, his voice is just pretty.
I actually like his hair.
but he did not make it through
They think others are more consistent
We’ll be seeing him again.

Paul McDonald’s up next; the guy with a totally smooth voice that has never gotten a bad word.
Gee, you think he will make it through?

Can we kick him off just for wearing this:

He sang an original song for the judges for his “last” performance.
Duh duh derrrr he made it.

Ahshthohnh sang Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” for her last performance.
She’s totally consistent and has a great stage presence and voice
She also is adorable and dresses awesome.

YES she made it.

Chris Medina
Um, I’m not sure what he sang for his final song, I think it was Chris Martin (?) and I don’t like that guy much (the Goop husband, not Chris)
I dunno, it wasn’t that exciting.
JLo’s trying not to cry, she’s telling him how she has so much respect for him as a person, as a man.
But, he did not make it into the top 24.

Poor JLo had to be consoled by Randy and Steven because she felt she didn’t tell Chris in the right way. Awww, she IS human!!

And it’s “To Be Continued!”

Damnit. Well, it doesn’t really matter because I’m watching this show a day (week) late, which means that there’s another show playing right now and I can just continue now 🙂

Come along with me…

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