The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

American T & A

Posted by The Bludge on March 4, 2011

So there’s still people left to kick off the show, so here we are…

They start out this show by being all up in JLo’s face about the last guy they kicked off on the last part of the show, she’s sad because she didn’t want to kick him off because he had a sob story.

Was this just an act for her?
Did she know that viewers would feel that way so they needed her to play it up?
Naw, I doubt it, I think part of her is still human.
Maybe from the neck up…hmmmm, no…well, maybe behind the skull-parts?


So Karen Rodriguez…

is DUH going through.
DUH.
She’s a seasoned performer with a great voice and she dresses cute.
WAIT
Oh honey, no.
They’re showing a clip of one of her performances and she’s wearing this:


A tube top around her stomach and GIANTCROTCH! PANTS
I take back what I said about her wardrobe

Her last performance she’s singing a Selena song.
WAY TO PANDER TO THE JUDGE
Her dress is pretty, though.
So, yeah, of course she made it.
She almost made Fox have to pay an FCC fine:


Robbie Rosen is next.

There are certain things that I want to comment on but I’m REALLY trying hard not to make fun of people for the way they look. They can’t help it.
It’s like a potato. A potato just can’t help being a potato, and sometimes having lots of eyes. Well, maybe if they asked for help removing the creepy eyes they would have more friends.
I’m hungry.
Potato.

Anyway, the song that Robbie sung for the judges was uhhhhh
boring.
Yeah, of course he made it through, though.

Totally unrelated, I HATE how each year the judges say “Better talent than we’ve ever had before”
That’s kinda rude.
So that means that these people


were better than Kelly Clarkson?
Kelly, who has had 13 Top 100 Billboard hits.

Tatynisa Wilson was the one that made up the words to “I Hope you Dance”
Her final performance was “UnBreak my Heart” which they didn’t show enough of to see if it was decent.
Her, uhh, *cough*…clothes are cute

but, can she back it up?
Not that ass, can she back up her singing?
That doesn’t make sense.
How about that Ovechkin, eh!?!
So, back to Tatynisa, she made it through!


So then they showed fast clips of 2 apparently unimportant people that got cut.

Tim Halperin is pretty boring, so I didn’t bother taking a picture of him.
He’s the one that dueted on piano w/ one of those hot girls.
He sang an original song for his final song and played the piano, dunno if it was any good, they barely showed him singing cuz it’s not like this is a show ABOUT SINGING or anything
He made it through for some reason.


Up next, Julie Zorrilla, the girl who escaped the gorillas.

Zarrilla.
Gorilla
Zorrilla
Garilla.

Anyway
She likes to wear poofy-skirted dresses

And then this happened…

She played piano and sang some song I don’t know for her final song
I’m pretty sure she’ll make it in
Yep, she did. Hopefully she’ll put more emotion into her singing or
wait
THIS just happened…

…the hell?


Next up are the country boys.

Can we just say no to BOTH of them?
I’m not a fan.
Maybe it’s just because NOONE is as good as Alan Jackson.

Scotty played guitar and sang…?? for his final song.
It’s prolly a gospel or that guy who always wore black. There was a movie about him…NO, not Roy Orbison!
The judges really liked it but they also have to take into account that instead of singing the actual words to “I Hope you Dance” he talked about testicles…or something.
They put him into the top 24! John Wayne got sent home, though.
(John Wayne is more attractive)
*sadface*


Sidenote, I noticed that some people walk back into the room of contestants and get lots of hugs from their competition, but some others have no one there…….
Can I get a C-word?!!?


Jovany’s last song was possibly in Spanish? I don’t know what was happening, my face was ear-deep in brownie.

He made it to the Top 24!


This girl…

They haven’t played a lot of her footage, prolly cuz they know she’s gonna go far
She’s got a great big voice and she did make it through!
She doesn’t have to clean toilets anymore!!
Some guy fake-passed-out for some reason…?


2 more people that I don’t know got cut.

Rachel Z
Her outfit today is…odd

They played a lot of her final performance, it was very weird. Not bad, but she was all soft and quiet and then LOUD and growly and super high notes and, HUH?
When she got in front of the judges she said she wanted to perform the way the judges wanted her to and then she got a lecture about doing what she likes and singing something that means something to her and not what “some guy in the third row wants to hear”
After making her think she was gonna go home she made it through.


Kendra sang the same song for her final performance that she sang at her first audition. Prolly if she sang it without looking like she just walked into a brick wall it was 100% better than the first time lol
She just looks like someone keeps sneaking up behind her every time she’s about to get on camera and stabbing her with a turkey baster full of Demoral

Someone needs to tell her they switched her hemoglobin with METH CRYSTALS!
I guess they took pity on her cuz she made it through.


Up now is self-absorbed Jordan Dorsey
This guy prolly polishes the bottoms of his shoes.
He strikes me as totally anal-retentive and OCD
Not that I’m being judgemental.
Oh wait, that’s the reason this blog exists.
Well, anyway, he made it through.
There was a guy last season who basically implied that God said he was going to win American Idol and he promptly got voted off of the show.
I think Jordan might be that guy this season.


Oh dear Barbie.
Lauren Alaina is dressed like Barbie Cowgirl

Her last song was “I Need Your Love” and of course it was pretty
I think they should let her through but just assign her a stylist.
They scared her at first but she made it through of course


Stefano is next, I hope they show his scars again, OH GOOD!

He sang an original for his last song and played piano. I’m pretty sure it was called “Come On” because those were the only 2 words in it during the HOUR that they played of him singing it


He made it to the Top 24!


Sidenote – what’s w/ JLo’s hair?

And who TP’d JLo?


Still an hour to go and up on the chopping block: Simply Red, Dollar Store Adam Lambert, Golddigger, Jacob, Mr. Jazz, and hot-ass Pia Psghetti (or whatever)


Jackie Wilson (who is dating someone’s grandpa) (AKA Golddigger)

She bombed on her final song, forgetting the words to Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You”
JLO’s first word was “unfortunately” which doesn’t bode well
Then she says she “started really song out of the blocks”
Wha?
When Jackie gets the obvious “No” she asks “Why?” I don’t think anyone has done that. The answer was inconsistency.
And then this happened

EW!!
You’re lucky that I didn’t post the actual kiss.
Pass the brain bleach, please.


Jacob Lusk, AKA The Man of 1,000,000 Faces, is next.

Come on, there’s no way he can’t make it through, even though he is totally not present for any of his performances.
His final performance was not great actually. I thought it was pretty pitchy and, per usually, he had his eyes closed the entire time.
I hope the judges talk to him about his performance
NOPE
They pretty much immediately let him through.
He was slightly excited.

Pia Toscano
She is perty.
And those HIPS

Her solo was beautiful, whatever the hell it was.
How could she not get through.
She’s SO. HOT.
So hot that I totally forgot to take another picture of her…
YAY! She made it.
I love hot chix.
That leaves ONE girl spot left…


James Durbin (speaking of girls)…
For his last song he channeled Adam Lambert
NONFUCKINGSTOP
I THINK he sang “Change Gone Come” but ‘sang’ is like, a severe understatement


Casey Abrams played his bass and sang “Do Right” for his last song.
I didn’t like it, but I like him a lot; his singing, style, personality, etc etc

Just so you know, 15 year old JACEE, Simply Red, and Guy Whose Name Is Prolly Chris are the only 3 boys left in the waiting room and there are TWO spots.

Between Casey and them….hmmm…one of which is JACEE.
OF COURSE CASEY MADE IT THROUGH
and totally jumped out of his chair, knocking it off the mini-stage
Heh


15 year old Thia Megia and some girl I don’t recall ever seeing before go see the judges together

Thia sang Josh Groban’s snoozefest and of course sang it perfectly.
But she just sang it with her usual smile on her face with no personality whatsoever.
She’s 15.
Other girl auditioned SEVEN times for Idol.
Seven.
Today is some girl’s 25th birthday.
Other girl made it to this point last year, and…….is being kicked off again.
Ouch.
She shouldn’t feel too bad, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.
I’d kick Thia out of bed. Cuz that shit is illegal, she’s 15!
Birthday girl gave the judges a 2-fingered salute.

I’m SURE they will ask her back for next year!!


OH JESUS, WHO IS THAT OLD PERSON ON THE SCREEN

So now there’s three boys left:

Brett thought there were 2 spots left and they didn’t waste too much of our time before telling Brett he was the one that made it through.


SO, the top 12 boys are:
Brett
Jovany
Jacob Lusk
Norman?
Clint
Robbie Rosen
Stefano
Jordan Dorksey
Tim Halpern
James Durbin
Casey Abrams
Scotty McCrappy

Top 12 Girls
Naima
Julie Z
Karen Rodri
Lauren Turner
Kendra Chant
Ashthon Jones
Rachel Z
Hailey R
Thia
Laren Alaina
Pia
Tatynisa Wilson

I’m THREE episodes behind as the 12 boys sang first, then the next day the girls sang, and then the next day God rested. No, wait…on the third day, he made spaghetti?
Pizza!?
Ahh hell, well the premier for JLo’s most recent video was the third show. I mean, the results show, I’m sure they just happened to have time to show her new video.
*eyeroll*

Check back here soon, bitches!!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: