The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Oh, boy.

Posted by The Bludge on March 4, 2011

I’m watching this show 2 days late, so, I didn’t vote.
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have altered history if I had voted.


So here we are, Top 12 Boys!!


Ryan Seacrest is finally in a suit!


JLo is pretty smokin, but when they pull her hair up at that angle it makes her ears look pointed.



#1 Clint Junebugger
Please tell me he will not be wearing those gla…

nope, he’s wearing them.
And he’s singing “Superstitious.”
One of my few favorite songs.
Of.
All.
Times.
(Yes, times.)

The band played over him a bit, but whatever. I was ok with that.
Most of it wasn’t terrible.
I HATE HIS GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!
The judges all loved his singing.

Meh.

Is he attractive behind those things?

#2 Jovany
I’m surprised he went with a slow song for his first performance, I would think that it would be harder to sing slowly on stage for America, live, for the first time – I would think it requires more control and calm.
The band w/ background singers drowned him out in places but I don’t hate his face like Juneblahg.
He sang “I’ll Be the Greatest Fan of Your Life” (is that even the title? who cares.)

Ruh roh, Randy barked the word “Karaoke”


#3 Jordan, AKA Mr. StuckUp

He’s singing um, Usher?
Ew, and he’s taking off his jacket like he is sexy.
HAHA

He’s singing a dance song.
Interesting choice.
I think he’s having a hard time not dancing like a drag queen.
This is PAINFUL
He is not……attractive.
I mean, he’s a good looking guy, but what the hell.

YAY, Steven said it wasn’t his favorite, and JLo asked if that was “really who you are?” and he said no.
Randy didn’t comment, they just replayed his comment from Jovany about karaoke


THIS SHOW IS A GIANT COKE AD


Also, I can’t believe we’re already at the voting part!!


#4 Tim Halperin (seen in the above Coke ad) is pandering to softies by saying that he feels like the other contestants are his BROTHERS.
Did one of them give him a swirlie?
His hair…it needs work.
He’s singing that one song by that one guy that has been overplayed on the radio.
It doesn’t matter which one because they are ALL BORING.

He is sharp.
Not like, sharply dressed but like, singing sharp cuz he’s trying a little too hard.
I almost never do this, but I just fast forwarded til he was done.

That is very important you guys.
Normally I would want to make sure I watched it all so that I could report any shenanigans to my faithful readers (You two know who you are!) but I really did not care enough to watch him, just talking about him is making me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

She said it!
JLo said “It doesn’t really show America who you are as an artist”


#5 Simply Red AKA Brett

He is SO…GRANOLA!!

He’s singing The Doors
“Light My Fire”

Oh, it’s just so delicate.

I just can’t take him seriously.

This is just comical.

Oh, but hey! He doesn’t have sunglasses on his head!

He keeps shaking his hair around like a dog getting out of a bath.
It looks like something might be stuck in there.

Someone check him for lice.

WHAT? Steven Tyler just said “You brought it home, you were on fire”
WTF
What the fuck you guys?
What the fuck?
I mean, what the fuck?
I’m just
I just
What…
I
Someon
He jus
I’m
you can’t
That wasn’t
I don’t
*sigh*
…the fuck?


#6 Adam Lambert James Durbin is rockin’ out right out of the gate
I don’t hate him right now!
I think the band is drowning him out a little when he isn’t yelling, but he’s actually giving good performance.
You guys, he’s singing “You Got Another Thing Coming” by Judas Priest!!
Excellent!
I think JLo might be enjoying this (she’s about to jump out of her seat)
I didn’t know that I was going to like that
Maybe it’s because he does not have a fucking Karate Kid bandana on, today.

Randy just told him that he was nice and tasty.
Ummm, did someone forget to feed Randy?


#7 Robbie Rosen
[ comments removed due to them being snarky about his religion/face/penis ]
So, Robbie’s singing Sarah McLaughlin and it is
NOT
good.
He’s hitting some falsettos and I think the notes are in tune but it is NOT pretty.

I just had to shock my husband with the defibrillator because he was so bored he actually died for 3 straight minutes.

Steven thought it was beautiful!?!??!
Someone call his manager, I think he’s back on the Lunesta

JLo loved it too
Randy brought us all back to reality THANK GOD telling him the falsettos were crap (my words) and he was pitchy (Randy’s words)


#8 Scotty McPLZGoHome
Scotty sang John Michael Montgomery’s “Letters From Home”

What is with his face?

And who chopped off his right leg?

Why is he leaning like that?

No really, he never stopped, either

I hate his face

He’s making me angry.

Why am I so bitchy tonight?



But really, how can you NOT hate this…


#9 Stefano sang…Bruno Mars?
The song was the one that has “You’re Amazing Just the Way You Are”.
His voice is not quite big/strong enough to pull off this song
He can hit the notes but it sounds strained, like perhaps he’s been practicing too much lately
Steven said “I can always tell when you’re on the money cuz that vein in your forehead pops out”
Wow. There’s some good constructive criticism.
:-/
Stefano is cute
I am surprised that Randy didn’t use the dreaded “karaoke” word.


#10 Paul McDonald
Dude is so…..weird, bizarre, gay, boneless, floppy? It’s just odd the way he is moving on stage

“Maggie” is a good song for him to sing. My friend called him “Bob Stewart” (Bob Dylan + Rod Stewart)
Jennifer made a good point, he is nice to watch because he is smiling and enjoying himself.
(He only made that face above for a hot second)


#11 Jacob Lusk
I think we’re all looking forward to this performance.
He actually had his eyes open the whole time!
And he’s all winky-winky and shit. And following the camera. How did this guy learn this stuff in less than a week?
This song is monumentally boring (sorry Luther Vandross), but he is so cute/fun to watch and we all know he is just going to hit every note there is, so we are all riveted.
Steven and JLo both almost freakin cried
He is just…good!


#12 Casey Abrams
sang “I Put a Spell on You”
Ok, he is trying to sing this song all sexy-like but instead he is singing this song looking like a total creeper, not a sexy Mr. Sexman.
He got his screaming and growling out.
Creepily
I wished he wasn’t making so many creeper faces, cuz he is fun, and he can sing, but no one else could POSSIBLY have thought that was sexy.
Just…
Creepy.

Wait, JLo said he’s sexy
Um, really?
No.
Really?
No.
But, really?
Am I the only one in the no boat?

Oh wait, she’s married to Skeletor.

Clearly this woman is a SPECTACULAR judge of the sexy.

ANYbarf, the first night of vote-able performances was surprisingly good, there wasn’t a LOT of awkwardness.

What magic will tomorrow’s Top 12 Female show bring?

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2 Responses to “Oh, boy.”

  1. Kristen said

    When Scotty is leaning next to Ryan, I wanted to capshun “This right here is my swag” lol ew

    Oh, and Little Orhpan Tranny did shake his head too much.

    I love reading this blog, I look forward to it 😉

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