The Bludge's Blog

Seeking acceptance from the intarwebs

Girls on Top…wait…that’s not right…

Posted by The Bludge on March 6, 2011

Top 12 Girls, there we go.

Ok, so today I’m watching the show and then during commercials (and when Ryan is talking) I’m working on a post from last week.
I’m SURE I’ll be able to concentrate JUST FINE.

Also, I only had the 4 cups of coffee…

JLo is pretty

First up is Tatynisa
Wait, it’s spelled Ta-Tynisa?
Shouldn’t it be spelled TATA-Nisa?

Heh, sorry.
She’s singing a club song.
I think it’s Rhianna and she’s a bit flat here and there but it was not bad, and I really don’t want to hear ballads from the girls anyway.
So she was ok, Steven and Jennifer loved it of course, but Randy wasn’t a fan.
Of course Jennifer had to talk over him when he was saying that he didn’t like it.
I don’t recall him talking over her when SHE was talking.

Ryan just made a fat joke about Randy I think.

So, yeah, I’m pretty sure that Randy is the only judge that still has a brain.

#2 Naima is singing “Summertime”
She has some cool clothes.
She’s singing a jazzy version and it’s pretty great and had a great ending.
She nailed it.
Wait, shouldn’t that be, she hammered it? Cuz, the nail is the…oh, never mind.
She mostly got good reviews from the judges, though Randy did say “lounge singer”.

I only got a picture of her backside.

No, it’s ok, really:

#3 Kendra

So far it’s good, actually.
I’m shocked.
It’s getting a little too quiet and plain…no wait, she just hit a screechy note.
Not that it was out of tune, I don’t know, I couldn’t tell but her higher register is SCREECHY
Randy liked her vibrato and overall liked it even with some sharp notes.
Wow, he was nice! lol

#4 Rachel Z
She’s singing Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” and she’s singing it jazzy.
She’s really been practicing her performance part, she’s throwing off a shawl all sexy-like and throwing down the mic stand.
This jazz version is AWFUL.
It’s not a cool twist on a popular song, it is seriously bizarro.

She does look great though

Steven called it Broadway, which is funny cuz 1) I said that in my last post and 2) she said that’s probably the only thing she’s never sung….hmmm
JLo pulled the “What kind of ARTIST are you?”
Randy brought it back to reality by saying it was a trainwreck. Alright, he didn’t use that word, but he might as well have.
It was kind of like Sebastian Back singing “All That Jazz” I guess he could hit the right notes, but it probably would make as much sense as wearing snow boots to the beach.
Someone tell that girl, STAND UP STRAIGHT
Shoulders back!

#5 Karen Rodriguez

Singing Mariah Carey’s “Hero”
Wait, now she’s singing it in spanish.
No wait, she’s singing it in English.
She can hit the notes, but like Randy says you can’t exactly out-sing Mariah Carey. If you sing someone’s song you want to either do it better or differently but just as good.
I think someone might say “karaoke”
Her notes were good.
The song was good.
And she said “I love you Mom” at the end and TOTALLY is choking me all up.
I’m pretty sure JLo is trying not to cry, too.
Hey! The judges all liked it! No criticism! Wow!

#6 Not-Blond-Lauren!

She REALLY looks like a friend of mine.
She looks fabulous.
What IS this song?
I love her voice
She’s my favorite.
I still don’t know what the song was but it don’t matter.
That’s right, I said it don’t.
Randy liked it, of course the others are going to like it, too. Oh, Jennifer actually had criticism! Nothing bad, she just wants to see more movement and her physically getting into the performance.
Makes sense.
Lauren makes my heart melt when she says “I’m sarcastic, America, just so you know”
YES! I KNEW I loved her.

Did Ryan just make a dick-sucking joke?

#7 Ashthohnhhhh
Whoops! She must’ve been rushing cuz she forgot her shirt!
No idea what this song is.
I DO know (even though I am about as stylish as _________) that those shoes are too clunky/big to be worn with giant-crotch pants.

She’s making too much love to the camera
I like parts of it, she does have a voice but this song isn’t perfect for her, it’s just ok.

#8 Julie Zorrilla
Fuck, this girl is beautiful.

She isn’t doing anything right with her voice though.
I really hope she has a good reason for this, like being sick or something.
She just doesn’t have oomph to her voice.
Holy crap, all of the judges actually agreed with me that this wasn’t great!

#9 Haley
She’s singing Alicia Keys “Falling”
She does have the pipes for this song.
She isn’t working the stage/crowd as well as some of the other girls, but the other girls can’t sing like her.
She looks pretty smokin’ too

I think she did well.
Randy used the “karaoke” word

#10 Thia Megia

This is the girl that just sings. She doesn’t have any true emotion. She’s friggin 15, of course she doesn’t!
She’s starting out a capella. I think some of her vibrato is just nerves and shaky voice.
Ew, she’s a bit sharp.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I’m asleep.
She is very pretty, and prolly she will win next year.
Uhhm, Steven and Jennifer are telling her that it was beautiful.
Wait, Randy did too?
Did my TV eff up the sound?
And my coffee must have warn off.

#11 16 year old Lauren Alaina (The blond one)

I can’t hear her singing.
Lauren, please don’t do this again:

This girl definitely has a big…voice.
I said voice!
Pretty good, I like that she isn’t singing a ballad.
She’s rocking out “Turn on the Radio” which might be a country song.
I agree with both Jennifer and Randy when they tell her how she sings effortlessly, and she has more talent than even she knows about. The control over each note seems so easy for her.
Randy says she’s like a merger of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. That is truly a compliment and I do agree, she can do the big voice thing.
Also, Lauren lets us in on a little secret…she calls Ryan “Peaches”.

#12 Pia Toscana
Fuck, this girl is beautiful!

Oh! I recognized the song as soon as the third note played, “I’ll Stand By You.”
Her voice sounds EXCELLENT!
And FUCK. She is beautiful

She may now be my favorite!
OH! The judges are giving her a standing O!!
Oh! That makes me want to cry.
Randy actually said that this stood out as one of the greatest performances in all of the seasons.
I don’t argue with that.

So, the next show is elimination!
We will narrow down the contestants to 6 girls and 6 guys.

Stay tunes, bitches.

One Response to “Girls on Top…wait…that’s not right…”

  1. Ironjen said

    I am commenting first!

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