Idol. HUH. Good god. What is it good for?

First, I must apologize for not taking any pix of the contestants this week, but there was really nothing I wanted to remember by image for all eternity.

Lee Dewyze starts us off singing a song I’ve never heard before, I don’t think.
I don’t really care to hear it again either, really.
Apparently some guy named Adam Young made it popular? It’s called Fireflies.

I’m confused by Lee; sometimes his voice is growly, and sometimes it’s gravelly.
Well, he’s just…
I don’t…
I’m just not feeling him, I guess.
He was mostly in tune, so long as he wasn’t trying to hold a note at all.
I might vote for him just because I’d rather see other guys leave.

#2 Alex Lambert
Oh, Mullet.
His voice is kind of annoying tonight. Very nasally.
Other than that I got nothin’.

#3 Tim Urban decided to sing “Hallelujah”
BLEH!
GOD!
His voice is great though.

#4 Andrew Garcia, trying desperately to make as much of an impression on all of us that he did when he sang Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” sang Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle”.
I dunno how I feel about that.
Part of me thinks he is trying too hard and the other half isn’t a judge-mental bitch.

#5 Casey James
Singing Keith Urban’s “You’ll Think of Me”
BOOOOOORIIIINNNG

That was about as interesting as a blade of grass.
As engaging as a packing peanut.
As entertaining as watching a dog lick its butt.

Looks like the judge-mental bitch is back!!

#6 Aaron “Furrowed Brow” Kelly is butchering Lonestar’s “I’m Already There”.
I wish I had a pair of Doc Martens because I would love to kick Aaron in the jaw.
WHAT?!
It would give him character!
And hardship! That would help him really connect with his more emotional songs!
See? I’m TOTALLY looking out for little man.

Holy crepes what a terrible performance.
He was only in key by accident.
He looked like he was being controlled by an angry puppet master.

#7 Todrick is going big tonight singing Queen’s “Somebody to Love”
Them’s big balls.
Nothing I can say other than “Great performance!” (Seriously)

#8 WHOAH
Right out the gate Big Mike is bringing the falsetto and it’s GOOD.
I’m not familiar with the song, “This Woman’s Word”
OMG his wife is in the audience! Damn she looks great!
OMG I LOVE BIG MIKE!!

He just kept delivering throughout the whole performance!
Even when he was a bit goofy dancing around and being all into it it was still TOTALLY LOVABLE!
He even ended on a great falsetto.
Y’all know I don’t even like falsetto but Big Mike is fuckin’ awesome.
He made Kara cry!!

So here’s my list of greatest to lamest:
#1. Big Mike
#2. Todrick
#3. Tim (though I HATE to admit it)
#4. Lee
#5. Andrew
#6. Casey
#7. Alex

#10: Aaron

I base my grading system on many factors, like singing in tune, entertaining the crowd, engaging the audience, not being awkward, being a hot mess, thinking about [CENSORED] to you, etc. If you don’t agree, feel free to tell me why…not that I’m going to give a shit.